Crash Courses in Marriage
by Funk-tastic
Summary: Hiccup finds out that he's been engaged... and to Astrid Hofferson, no less! Read to find out how he manages to guide -or stumble- his way through engagement, marriage, general silliness, and maybe even... falling in love? Officially a deadfic: see inside for more details.
1. Congratulations, You're Engaged

**'Ello, everyone! Spleesh, I really did mean to start writing all of this sooner but... once I did, I wasn't terribly impressed with it and had to go back and completely re-write everything. EVERYTHING. So it took me quite a bit longer than intended. _Hopefully, _next few chapters won't give me so much trouble. Expect an update every Thursday, unless told otherwise.**

**AND OH YEAH, DISCLAIMER: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon, because it belongs to Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks Animation. I only own the merchandise. **

**So, without further ado, I bringeth thee: chapter one.**

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**Congratulations, You're Engaged**

Imagine yourself in a forge, hotter than Hel, in midsummer. If you can put yourself into that position, and then imagine that you've been standing in a virtual oven for upwards of eight hours, then you can probably sympathize with Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the III, who'd been doing exactly that.

Sweat was pouring off of the boy like rain in a thunderstorm as he pounded metal into correct shapes and forms. He felt like an overheated, wet cat.

The _only thought_ that kept him from just leaving was simple: he didn't want to get swarmed by fans.

Yes, it was true: Hiccup had a fan club–mostly females in the twelve to twenty age range. It was a strange and slightly surreal fact, especially because he had once been "Hiccup the Useless", and now he was "Hiccup the Hero". Or, as Ruffnut liked to call him, "Hiccup the Stud Muffin". But anyway, he had fans, and they liked to follow him everywhere he went, except for this one place: the forge. Even deranged, psychopathic tweenage girls wouldn't follow him into the depths of this veritable Hel-hole.

They would, however, stand at the window and giggle as they watched him swing a hammer. That was one reason he'd kept his shirt on; wearing it made him way hotter than not wearing, but he could _not possibly bear _the inevitable swooning and cries of delight that it would arouse if he removed the darn thing. He knew this from previous experience.

'_They only like you because you're some kind of hero now,' _he mused to himself, before another part of his brain added, _'or maybe you've magically become some sort of suave, woman-killing machine in the year since you killed the Green Death'._

He snorted out loud, rolling his eyes as it elicited a whole new response from the crowd.

-O-

The crowd eventually dispersed hours later–with many coveting glances and forlorn sighs- and Hiccup deemed it safe to venture back home. The sky had darkened wonderfully; it was one of those rare, clear nights where all of the stars in the heavens could be viewed. Hiccup decided that after he ate, he would have to take a ride on Toothless, and maybe…

His heart rate sped up. He'd been thinking (or fantasizing, really) about taking Astrid along with him. It might not have been obvious to everyone, but he had it bad for the girl, and there were many solid days where all he could do was replay the few times she'd kissed him, over and over in his head until he _should've _been sick of them. Sadly though, he hadn't gotten a kiss from her in months, and certainly nothing like the one he'd received after the defeat of the Green Death.

The boy kind of hunched over in defeat. He really missed kissing Astrid.

But amidst all his day dreaming, he realized that he'd walked most of the way home, and was faced now faced with a much bigger issue: The Hill.

A year and a month earlier, he could bound up The Hill and open the door to his house and then run out the back door, all in a single, continuous series of leaps. That was not the case these days, because running up a steep incline with a fake leg was actually very hard… and painful. So Hiccup had developed a method which had him staggering up The Hill for a few steps, pausing, and then repeating the action until he was done. It was tedious, but it beat falling flat on your face, as he had done more than once in the past year.

When he reached the apex of The Hill, he was panting and sweating from the exertion and the still warm air, but all of this was forgotten when he opened the door to see his father sitting in a chair with an air of stony seriousness.

"We need to talk."

Oh, the dreaded Talk. Those words struck panic into Hiccup's heart faster than the idea of tap dancing in front of a crowd while wearing nothing but a pair of boots (and that hadn't actually happened, but when he had dreamt it up, it had _felt_ real at the time). Bad dreams aside, Hiccup tried to recall anything particularly _bad _he'd done in the past few days, but he came up short.

'_Nope,' _he thought to himself, _'Nothing.'_

"U-uh, is something, er, _wrong, _Dad?"

There was this horrible, long silence that felt like it stretched out for an age, before Stoick broke his deadpan expression with a bark of laughter.

"Hahahahahahaha- I wanted to tell you- haha, congratulations, son!"

"Wait," Hiccup said slowly, "congratulations for _what, _exactly?"

Stoick the Vast managed to stop laughing long enough to give Hiccup a good, long look, and exclaim, "You're engaged!"

Hiccup felt the sudden sensation that the floor had been jerked out from under him, and he half expected someone to jump out and say, "Haha! Just kidding! You totally fell for it!" But, alas, that didn't happen.

"I'm… what now?"

"Engaged! To a pretty little thing, too! The contract's been all worked out and everything- you'll be married at the end of summer!"

"WHAT?" Hiccup squealed in an extremely un-Viking like manner, "HOW THE HEL CAN I BE ENGAGED I'M ONLY SIXTEEN WHO IS THIS "PRETTY LITTLE THING" YOU SPEAK OF OH NO!"

"Calm down, Hiccup!" Stoick shouted above his son's nervous shrieking, "First of all: you're engaged because it's a perfect match with a good, strong family, second: I married your mother when I was fourteen, so that's no excuse, and third: it's the Hofferson girl. You know her. Kind of skinny, blonde, always has that axe with her? Astrid."

Now very firmly convinced that he was dreaming it all up, Hiccup croaked, "Astrid? Does _she _know about this?"

Stoick laughed again, as though the whole thing was a good joke. "Well, only if her father's told her!"

"She's going to murder me…" Hiccup muttered, feeling the urge to curl into a ball on the ground. "Why did nobody tell me about this?"

"Well," the chief started, seeming to contemplate the matter at hand, "It was really an unplanned sort of thing. Beinir Hofferson made the offer first. Seemed to think it would be a good idea to get Astrid married off as soon as possible."

"So… so I'm supposed to just… be the guy who she gets married off to?"

"Why does it matter so much? It seems that you two can tolerate each other; besides, any person who's not blind saw her kiss you. Something like that is practically a marriage contract in and of itself!"

"Oh c'mon, that hardly seems like enough for… for _this!_" Hiccup emphasized his point by gesturing wildly in no particular direction.

Stoick's face got very dark before he said, "That's _more_ than enough for a marriage. Most people don't even have _that_. And don't forget, I'm not just considering how much you like the girl. That's just an added bonus. The real reason is that the Hoffersons are some of the best Vikings on the entire island of Berk, and marrying my only son to their only daughter is a good way to forge a strong union." **(1)**

Hiccup's shoulders hunched forward as he started to understand just how little choice he had in the matter. He was honestly just a pawn in this case; being used to strengthen the Haddock line. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised him –he was the only male in the direct line.

With nothing left to say, both men (or one man and one _almost _man) stood there and looked away from each other, before Hiccup wordlessly climbed up his stairs and into his bedroom, where he dreamt of tap dancing naked in front of a large crowd.

-O-

The next morning was a stressful one, to say the least. Neither Hiccup nor Stoick said anything to each other, not necessarily out of anger, but more because neither one knew how to approach the situation. It was a huge relief when Hiccup could get out of the house and work his way down to the forge.

The day was not as nice as the previous one had been; in place of sunshine and perfect, not-too-humid, not-too-dry air, there was a gray sky, slight drizzles, and humidity so thick that you could cut it with a knife. As soon as Hiccup got within a hundred feet of the forge, he noticed the usual crowd of females- some with puffier hair than usual.

He really did have to _work_ his way into the forge today.

The awkward silence that Hiccup thought he'd left at home had somehow migrated to the forge as well; Gobber hadn't made a single sarcastic remark or crowed at the gaggle of girls to give the boy some breathing space. But as Hiccup pounded away at a wayward sword, Gobber finally spoke.

"So, did'yer father tell you the news yet?"

There was a '_clang' _and an unavoidable shriek from the gathering outside as Hiccup dropped the metal onto the floor.

"Wait, wait, hold on," he started slowly, "You. _Knew?_"

"Well, yeah, I did but that's not the-"

"And you didn't _say anything?" _

"No. Wouldn't be my place to tell you something like that." Gobber started to say more, but stopped and stared at the group outside the window.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" he demanded. When nobody moved, he bellowed, "_OFF WITH YEH, YOU SILLY LITTLE FEATHER-BRAINS!" _and the girls scattered faster than lightning.

"As I was saying," Gobber continued, "I knew, but figured that it would be better if-"

He was interrupted, once more, by female company, but this time it came in the form of a young woman who'd nearly broken the door down.

"_HICCUP!_"

The boy's stomach performed some horrible feat where it rose up into his throat and then dropped down into his abdomen again.

"Hi Astrid, hi Astrid, um, hi Astrid."

Astrid looked purely terrifying, fists clenched menacingly and an impressive scowl marking her features.

"Um, need anything?" he asked rhetorically. He'd already noticed that she didn't have her axe, but in his attempt to fight off the inevitable, he tried to pretend that nothing was wrong.

"When, _when _where you planning on telling me?"

Hiccup scrambled for an answer, but she didn't wait for one.

"UGH! What is it with men? They think they can just take whatever they want without asking first! Well, you're going to pay for this pretty dearly-"

"I can see that you two lovebirds need your privacy," Gobber cut in, slinking over towards the exit, "I'll just be on my way out now."

Astrid pay him very little attention, but continued her tirade against Hiccup.

"You'll be lucky if you last another day, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the III! I'm so mad I could-"

"Astrid-"

"I bet you'll go home and brag about-"

"ASTRID!"

"WHAT?"

"I didn't know about this until last night!"

She suddenly calmed down, like a dragon that'd been scratched just right.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

"Oh," she looked around nervously for a moment, fiddling with the hem of her skirt and not meeting Hiccup's eyes, "Um. I didn't know that. I kind of just assumed that you were in on it."

"Naw. Not so much."

"So… we were… just kind of engaged? Behind our backs?"

Hiccup looked down at his foot, not sure what to say or even how to say it. He just gave a little "Um-humph," and continued feeling –perhaps unduly- very ashamed of the situation.

Without looking, he knew that Astrid's face had turned into the incredulous expression that turned her mouth into an upside down 'D'. "Well? What are you going to do about it?" she ventured.

"I don't really know," Hiccup responded honestly, "it depends on what you think, I guess.'

She hesitated.

"I suppose," Astrid began slowly, carefully, "There's nothing that can be done. The more I think about it… if our parents want us married, there's really not much we can do."

Suddenly a little more hopeful, Hiccup questioned, "So… you don't mind?"

"Oh no. I still mind. I mind a _lot. _I've just accepted that I can't change anything."

"Oh."

"So…"

"Yeah."

The two stood in horrible, wretched silence, both aware that the matter at hand was serious, but neither one wanted to talk about it anymore.

"Well, I um… I guess I'll see you later?"

Hiccup felt more defeated than he had the night before, but he managed a smile and responded, "Yeah. If you need anything-"

"I'll give you a holler."

"So. Bye."

"Yep."

She turned swiftly, and left.

-O-

The rest of the day was fairly dull.

None of the girls dared to return to their spot at the window (partially because of Gobber's earlier outburst and partially because of the thunderstorm that had rolled in). Hiccup wasn't sure if it was a curse or a blessing to get to go home at the end of the day, but he decided on the former after he returned.

"So yeh saw Astrid at the forge today." Stoick said, more like he was demanding to know more as opposed to, say, simply asking a question.

'_Great,'_ Hiccup thought, suppressing an eye-roll, _'He's trying to make conversation. This won't end well.'_

"You talked to her about the engagement."

"Well, yeah- wait, how do you know all this?"

Stoick flicked away the question like a pesky bug. "Well? What did she say?"

Hiccup sighed; he was in no mood to be discussing the deeply awkward conversation he'd had with Astrid with _his father. _It was _not_ his idea of a heart-to-heart.

"Honestly? She yelled at me, and then left."

"That's women for you!" Stoick laughed boisterously.

Hiccup shook his head almost invisibly and tried to disappear up the stairs as quickly as possible, but much to his dismay, Stoick stopped him, with a "Where do you think you're goin'?"

"Up to my room?" he replied dumbly, hunching over slightly.

"No, you aren't," Stoick the Vast demanded, "you're feeding that beast of yours."

_Toothless! _ Oh man, Hiccup had totally forgotten about him! But there he was, curled up outside, napping dutifully and _Hiccup had completely forgotten about him!_

Feeling even more awful than before, Hiccup slunk outside and patted the Night Fury on the head. Much to his surprise –or maybe not- Toothless looked up at Hiccup and gave him an annoyed little nip.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I've just been occupied lately."

If giant flying lizards could roll their eyes (and most dragon owners knew first hand that they _could_) Toothless did so.

Hiccup wandered over to the doors that lead down to the little root cellar next to the house, and disappeared for a minute or two into the permanently cold underground space. When he returned, he had a basket of fish that had been caught the previous day, and he dumped it on the ground.

"There you go."

Toothless purred softly and looked up again at Hiccup, and as a sign of forgiveness, nudged a whole salmon towards Hiccup.

"No thanks, bud, I'm good."

For a long moment, there was nothing but the sound of Toothless chowing down on his fish, and slight rumbles from the clouds that had almost completely moved east. The day hadn't been very pretty, but tomorrow looked better- the clouds had given way to a clear sky, all orange and purple as the sun set, and there were stars starting to come out.

"Tomorrow," Hiccup promised Toothless, "We'll go for a ride."

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**1: Because it seemed slightly relevant, here's a random fact: according to family sagas, courtship 'was the single most deadly pastime for a young Icelandic male'. That explains why courtships were skipped and people just went right ahead and got married... especially considering that _prolonged _ courtships often resulted in illegitimate children. And _THAT_ could get the suspected father legally killed by a male family member on the mother's side. YIKES!**

**OK, I'm done rambling... I enjoy my research a little tiny bit too much, methinks. R&R, and tell me what you thought!  
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	2. Hiccup Gets a Brief Lesson on Women

**It's time for the ****Reviewing Corner****! Thanks for reading and taking the time to review- and yes, I have been keeping up with your feedback. It just happens to be easier to respond via chapter than to each individual review.**

**Sweet blossom89: Thank you… I love history and good characterization- both are like freakin' crack cocaine to me. **

**Jimmyle311, Voldyne, Rat001, 122boy, starzee, ghosthead8503, and Wondering Hail: Thanks a bunch! **

**givinglight: Glad you're having fun reading this!**

**celestial1: Oh my washbucket, I half didn't expect you to review (not a very kind judgment, I know, but someone as smokin' hot and goddess like as you has no **_**real need **_**to consort with us mortals). I hate writing dialogue, seriously. It actually causes me physical pain to, so I'm not surprised that it's stilted. And on a final note- I can't wait to write that scene. Astrid is going to **_**kick some booty **_**and Hiccup's voice is going to **_**crack so hard. **_

**HTTYD. 4ever2010: I'm glad that you're liking it!  
**

**ahoykailee: Thanks so much- nothing makes me happier than hearing that I'm not doing the movie some terrible injustice by screwing up characterization!**

**Foxy'sGirl: Awkwardness and hilarity are the name of the game, my dear. I hope I can continue to get you your fix of both. (Being creepy is awesome). **

And to you too, all of you anons:

**Joseph: I spelled it like 'Hel' for a reason. In Norse mythology, Hel is the being that presides over her realm of the same name. **

** Mrs. Lout: Getting into history is something I wish that all writers of this fandom would do… it really does help in terms of story-telling. I hope you like the rest of the story!**

**The MediatorMercedes: UNF YOU READ IT that makes me so happy. And of COURSE I know who you are… MediatorMercedes? You might as well have just screamed "KENZIE" at the top of your lungs :D**

**XxHiccup'sGrl101498xX: I think it is the same Mediator... I effing love that series, for the record. And thanks!**

**So now that that's done... chapter two! Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Two: Hiccup Gets a Brief Lesson on Women**

When the sun rose the next morning, Hiccup felt sick. For the very first moment of his blurry consciousness after rising, he'd been firmly convinced that the previous two days had all been a working of his imagination.

But when he came out of his early morning-fog, he realized that, no, he was still engaged to a girl who probably was having a graphic fantasy about murdering him.

'_Maybe, just _maybe_,' _he griped inwardly, _'I won't have to worry about actually being married to her if she kills me first.'_

He happened to look out of his bedroom window, and was met with an uplifting sight. He had been right about the weather as it turned out- the sky had cleared and was a vivid, rolling blue that meshed with sea at the horizon. The sun had just barely risen above the water, so it was still fairly early.

It was really quite pretty, and it felt like a crime to stay inside on so beautiful a day, so Hiccup decided to venture outside.

As he lumbered out the door, he was met with an extremely excited Toothless, and suddenly remembered promising the dragon a ride. Smiling, Hiccup greeted him in the usual fashion: "Hey Toothless. Wanna go for a ri-"

Now, Hiccup should've known better than to say the "R" word, because before it even finished leaving Hiccup's mouth, the Night Fury pounced upon his owner and licked away at his face like a giant, over-excited scaly kitten.

"Hahahaha- _ow Toothless_, _OW_! I can't get your riding gear if you _don't let me get up_!"

-O-

One thing about flying that Hiccup loved: it never lost its first time feeling. The rush of wind against one's face, the weightlessness, the sheer thrill of being above the clouds; so close to the edges of the sky that you felt you could reach up and touch the very gods themselves… it was always just as thrilling to him as it had been the very first time that he'd flown on Toothless. The feeling of endlessness and dreamlike flight were only furthered by the nearly cloudless sky and bright sun.

He was so caught up in that moment was that he forgot every single care. Hiccup honestly thought that he could've been marrying a draugr, and he _still _would have felt blissful. **(2)**

The only bad part of the entire flight was the knowledge that it had to end.

Pushing all thoughts of what would await him when he touched down to the ground again, Hiccup maneuvered Toothless down and…

Oh, the rush! He never got tired of it! The wind whipped his hair back and whistled in his ears, while pure exhilaration coiled in his stomach and rose up into his lungs until he felt it completely necessary to whoop with joy.

Far too soon, Toothless touched solid, uninteresting ground, but even then Hiccup didn't feel the need to head back to the village yet. Instead he took his time wandering in the woods: today was Laugardagur –wash day- and that meant that Hiccup didn't need to be working the forge today. **(3)**

He smiled and hummed to himself as Toothless trotted alongside him. It felt good to pretend that he had no responsibilities; it was as if he was living purely for his own enjoyment.

But the sun had started to peak in the sky –Hiccup couldn't really believe he'd been out _that_ long- so it seemed like a good idea to get back to the Main Square, or, at the very least, go home.

As Hiccup and Toothless emerged from the edges of the forest and started to make their way back home, Hiccup noticed something: everyone was starting at him. At first he wondered if there was something on his face, or maybe his hair had blown back and stuck that way without him noticing, but after rubbing his face quickly with his hands and patting his hair down nervously, he came to the conclusion that either everybody was simply crazy or-

'_Oh dear Thor, what if everyone's heard?'_

Now, Berk wasn't a small village in the least, but news traveled fast, so Hiccup supposed that it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility.

Feeling the heaviness in the pit of his stomach he'd woken up with start to return, he hurried over to base of The Hill, but before he even reached the first foot of incline, he was stopped short by a voice calling his name.

"Hiccup! Everybody's heard the news!"

It was Phlegma the Fierce, short, loud, and well endowed. Hiccup was used to her company, and he regarded her as something of an intimidating aunt.

"Everybody?"

"You bet! The entire village is buzzing," she stopped for a moment, looking up at the sky contemplatively for a moment, "But how would I know about common buzzing? I don't care much for-"

"-gossip," Hiccup finished for her. Phlemga was very outwardly opposed to rumors and tittle-tattle, but everyone knew that she secretly delighted in it. No one dared to point that out though.

"Aye, child!" she laughed, "You've been paying attention!"

Hiccup didn't really know what to say, so he just nodded his head in agreement. Phlegma hoisted the basket she was holding up onto her hip, and dismissed herself politely. Hiccup wondered–as he staggered up The Hill- how much time it'll had actually taken to spread the news over the entire village. Again, Berk wasn't small, but idle tongues spread hearsay _very _quickly.

After feeding Toothless his lunch, Hiccup limped inside and found that his father wasn't there- doubtless washing up somewhere. Hiccup pulled at his shirt and hacked when he caught a whiff; he didn't smell good at all. It would probably be a good idea to _bathe _at some point.

'_After I eat,' _he decided.

Finding food wasn't too difficult, what with it being nearly late summer. After a moment of hunting in cupboards and digging around for a plate, Hiccup settled on smoked salmon- which happened to be his favorite. He ate quickly, as was force of habit.

He grabbed some fairly clean clothes and headed out to find an unoccupied stream to bathe in.

-O-

Being clean was something Hiccup enjoyed very much. He _liked _smelling like fresh water and soap and not being all gross from a week's worth of grime and muck and general nastiness.

One thing he _didn't _enjoy was being stared at, and there certainly did seem to be enough of that going on that day. As he returned from the spring, all fresh faced and wet-haired, he noted that some people gave congratulatory nods as he passed by –they approved of the match- and others shook their heads –they obviously didn't. The most peculiar response was when a puff haired girl of about thirteen –who Hiccup recognized as one of the members of his little fan club- walked up to him, almost spoke, and ended up bursting into tears instead. It was deeply embarrassing for all involved, including any onlookers.

Very much unsure of what to do with himself, Hiccup ended up in the Main Square, partly to examine merchandise and partly to people-watch. He was busy looking at a rather impressive set of bows and arrows when he heard someone say his name rather loudly and deliberately.

He spun and came face to one of Astrid's older brothers.

Much to his dismay, he couldn't remember which one it was, because Astrid had _three _older brothers, spaced only a year apart, and they all looked exactly the same. All he really knew was that a man who was related to Astrid was standing in front of him with an expression more serious than death on his face.

So it was thoroughly surprising when he said, "Hiccup, I just want to thank you."

"Uh, for what, exactly?"

"For getting that _she-devil off of our hands_," the young man deadpanned, before looking over his shoulder.

Hiccup was now in a rather overwhelming state of confusion, and it was only added to when another brother –he _swore _up and down that all Hoffersons looked exactly alike- came running up to the two, sputtering and coughing, but otherwise looking like he'd just had the most fun he ever had in his whole life.

"Oddr," the first one said to the other, "_what have you done and how did you get away alive?_"

This question was answered by an extremely wet and angry looking Astrid, who –even from a distance- could be seen very clearly giving Oddr a rude hand gesture.

The two brothers shared a look, before turning to Hiccup and saying simultaneously, "She's all yours."

They darted off in opposite directions, and Astrid came jogging decisively towards Hiccup.

"Did they say where they're going?" she half demanded, half panted.

"Um, no."

She let out a garbled noise of indignation, and shot Hiccup a look of pure disbelief, as though he knew very well where her brothers were and simply wasn't telling her. She changed her stance for a second, as if she was about to flit off in one direction or the other, but instead she stayed where she was.

For a second, Hiccup debated on whether or not to ask her what had happened, but before he could even open his mouth, she spoke.

"Those jerks thought it would be _really funny _to push me into a stream. I swear. They'll never grow up."

Even though her words seemed to be laced with anger, a small smile tugged at her lips, like she was not-so-secretly enjoying the situation.

"They were both in on it?" Hiccup asked, now even more bewildered than before. One of them had been _talking to him _beforehand. Something wasn't adding up in Hiccup's brain.

"Yeah," Astrid replied, smile stretching a little wider, "Oddr might've been the one to actually push me in, but Grettir is the mastermind behind their pranks. He just gets Oddr to do all of his dirty work."

Hiccup nodded in understanding before suddenly –and somewhat shockingly- coming to the conclusion that he knew almost nothing about the girl he was going to marry.

"You have another brother," he started without thinking, "does he ever prank you?"

"Fundinn? No. He never does. He's married and has a kid, so he doesn't have time these days," she paused and looked Hiccup over for a second, "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondered, is all."

"Oh," she said quickly, before continuing, "Well anyway, Fundinn never really played pranks on me because he just always… treated me like his baby sister."

"You are his baby sister," Hiccup pointed out.

"I know that, it's just weird. He's super protective of me, even though he has his own family now."

There was something strangely satisfying about hearing Astrid talk about the people she loved and had grown up with so freely. Hiccup found himself clinging to every word, so he was more than a little disappointed when Astrid made the motions to leave.

"My mother is probably expecting me back home right about now," she said hurriedly, "it was nice, um, seeing you."

"Yeah, you too."

Something fairly wonderful happened right before Astrid turned to leave: she gave him a small punch on his right shoulder, and planted a quick kiss on cheek, before grinning and bounding away from him like he was on fire.

Her cheeks were flushed bright red, Hiccup noted delightedly.

-O-

Even though he was slightly delirious and very, _very _happy as he wandered home, Hiccup was equally confused. She'd pretty much gone from being furious with him one day to _kissing _him the next.

His father still wasn't home when he returned, so Hiccup made a mental note to ask him what the heck was going on. The more time passed, the more curious Hiccup became, the more curious he became, the more it bothered him that Astrid had switched moods. It actually felt like hours before Stoick lumbered through the front door, and Hiccup nearly started jumping up and down when he did.

"Dad! I have to ask you something!"

Stoick was fairly surprised that his son would actually have something to say to him the second he walked through the door. Even if communicating with Hiccup had become slightly easier over the course of the past year, it still tended to consist of awkward conversation. And Hiccup usually only spoke fluently with his father when something was wrong or he was in trouble.

So the chief went about his response with slight caution.

"Yes?"

"What is it with girls?"

Stoick understood a little too clearly, then, the situation that his son was facing. It was a girl problem.

"Well, what exactly seems to be the problem?"

Hiccup heaved a humungous sigh. "Well, one day Astrid is yelling at me, and the next, everything is all fine and normal. I really don't get it."

Stoick the Vast nearly face-palmed. Why did Hiccup seem to have so much trouble understanding the simplest rules of societal function? Of course girls and women were a tricky subject, but it was almost surprising just how little Hiccup knew about them… and truthfully? Stoick didn't much feel like explaining the entire, complicated mess. So instead, he opted for a compressed version of the speech _his _father had given him when _he'd _started taking an interest in girls.

"Females," he intoned, "are not stable creatures, Hiccup. Sometimes they love you, and other times, they'll want nothing to do with you. It's the way of nature."

Hiccup's brow furrowed deeply, and he replied slowly, "So… that's it then? How am I supposed to live with that?"

'_Time for a brief lesson on women,'_ Stoick thought with a sudden sense of duty, and after taking a deep breath, he passed onto Hiccup the very same words that had been passed from generations of men to their teenage sons:

"Get used to it, and for the gods' sake, _stay out of her way_."

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**2: What is a draugr, you ask? It's a creepy ass member of the living dead, basically, that possesses super strength, inhuman power, and... the ability to change it's weight on demand. **

**3: Laugardagur, otherwise known as wash day, was the day that Vikings would bathe and get all nice and shiny clean and stuff. It was every Saturday, so I'm kind of taking artistic liberties and treating it like a weekend. **

**Well. Okay. So this chapter was really more of a filler and a way of developing relationships between characters a little better... but I hope you guys still got some enjoyment out of it! Till next Thursday!  
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	3. How to Come to Terms with Your Betrothed

**Okay… it's a little late in coming, but chapter three is finally done! Before we get into it though, I just want to send a shout out to all of you guys who've been reviewing and keeping up with me: ghosthead8503, Star, Voldyne, Rat001, Leon Woon, 122boy, 4ever2010, ahoykailee, The Mad Shoe, OmarBarria, and Xtraitor… it means a lot. I **_**especially **_**want to thank: Midair510 and Foxy'sGirl, who've given me some particularly great reviews.**

**And DangIt, who just happens to be one of my favorite people in the world. ILU less than three, miss moo.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Three: How to Come to Terms with Your Betrothed**

Too many days passed before Hiccup saw Astrid, and he had to admit, he was a little surprised at how much he craved her company.

Actually, more than surprised, he felt a little dumb. How funny it was that he could go from wary of her presence to _wanting _to see her as soon as possible. It was frustrating and confusing.

But more specifically, he felt nearly ashamed of how she could kiss him into submission so easily. He had been melted into a puddle by her lips, and she'd only given him a little tiny _peck!_

He released a sigh that blew his bangs up off of his face, and risked a glace out the window of the forge- avoiding eye contact with anyone who happened to be standing there. Maybe it was stupid of him to keep hoping that Astrid would just _show up_, especially considering the fact that the only times she'd ever sought him out at the forge was when she needed her axe sharpened or when she wanted to yell at him. But still, he kept looking out the window and sighing.

"Focus, Hiccup!"

Gobber's voice had thoroughly startled the boy, and he jumped nearly ten feet into the air.

"Sorry," he apologized half heartedly, "wasn't paying attention."

"So I noticed. What on the gods' good earth is so distracting?"

Hiccup hesitated for a moment, unsure of his answer, but he finally decided that he might as well tell Gobber the honest truth, "…Astrid."

There was a loud collective gasp from outside, and then murmurs. Why did Hiccup feel like every single part of his personal life was being digested by someone else? Oh right. Because it _was. _

"Well then, Hiccup, you should talk to _her _about… whatever seems to be bothering you."

"That's great, but I haven't actually seen her and gotten the chance to lately," Hiccup replied with an ill concealed trace of bitterness.

"Today must be your lucky day," Gobber told him with a grin, "because guess who's coming down the lane?"

Hiccup spun around to face the window, and felt a rush of… joy? Excitement? Fear? A weird tingling had spread from the base of his spine and had spread to his fingertips and scalp.

Before she entered the building, she stopped and stared at the flock of girls, who, in turn, stared at her. Or glared, really.

She pushed the door open and started speaking at the same time that Hiccup did.

"Hi Astrid I wanted to talk to you-"

"Hiccup we really need to talk about-"

There was a moment of silence.

"You go first," she offered.

"No, no, you go first."

Astrid took a deep breath. "We need to talk. About… things."

"Things? I like things." Hiccup immediately felt dumber than dumb for saying that. It sounded weird.

"Yeah. Could I steal you for away for a moment or two?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded vigorously, "You can steal me for as long as you want."

'_Ack! Again! That just sounds stupid!'_

Astrid raised an eyebrow and Hiccup flushed bright red. Why couldn't he just _talk _to her without feeling like he was always saying something wrong or unintentionally naughty? It just wasn't fair, and he lamented his bad fortune.

His attention, however, was diverted momentarily when he heard Gobber snickering and looking incredibly smug. Hiccup shot him a glare –that he hoped would strike fear into the hearts of men- but that only ended up making Gobber chuckle all the harder.

Annoyed, Hiccup groaned and made for the door. The sooner they got away from prying eyes, the better.

As he was dragged away by the wrist, Hiccup gave an almost pleading glance, as though they could somehow save him from the embarrassment he knew he would be feeling soon. A few of the girls looked weepy, and others looked angry- and all because of Astrid. She noticed this too, apparently, because, like a cat preparing to leap into a flock of skittish birds, she turned and looked at them with an evil grin, before grabbing Hiccup's collar and catching him an open mouthed lip-lock that could put Frejya to shame. **(4)**

There was an outraged cry, before the disappointed girls dispersed.

"What…?" Hiccup breathed, amazed and panting.

"I was just marking my territory," Astrid told him matter-of-factly, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand. "I didn't want any of your fans getting ideas."

Hiccup slumped over a bit, a little more than disappointed. She'd only done it for show.

**-O-**

Astrid led him to a secluded area of forest, and as they came closer to a familiar clearing, Hiccup started to worry. What kind of talk would this be? He never knew how she was going to act around him… and today was no exception.

"Okay," she said eventually, "we need rules."

"Rules?"

"M-hm. Rules. You know, for after we're married."

"Oh."

Now Hiccup's brain was on overdrive. What kind of rules was she talking about? Did she mean something like 'no leaving dirty clothes on the floor' or 'no boots on the table'?

Or did she mean something else entirely?

"Okay," she began, looking Hiccup over as though he was wearing his pants on his head. "Rule number one: you don't get to call me 'honey', 'sweetie', or gods' forbid- 'wifey'. If you use any of those on me, you'll regret it."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hiccup mumbled, now fairly sure that marrying her would mean certain death.

"Rule number two: you don't get to be all stupidly male and belch and be gross just because you can. It's disgusting."

"I'm a Viking. Viking's do that. Besides, I'm not really like that anyway," he pointed out.

"Don't try to change the subject. Rule three: because it's unavoidable, we're only going to have sex for the strict purpose of procreation, because I personally don't find the idea of letting you put your-"

"O-oh dear _gods,_ don't finish that thought," Hiccup stammered, now a very vivid and unattractive shade of red. He wished she wouldn't say 'sex' so casually, because it was making him nervous and uncomfortably aware of the truth: they were going to have to do it. But right now? He didn't want to talk about… about…

_That._

Astrid sighed, long and loud. "Look… we have to deal with this stuff eventually. We'll be married in another two weeks… there's not that much time left to get things in order."

Hiccup knew she was right, but talking about what they'd be doing in another two weeks as married people was difficult and awkward. It was so frustrating… why couldn't things just be light, the way they had been?

He sighed for the umpteenth time that day, and started pacing in tight circles.

"Hiccup," she said softly, as though she was trying to soothe a frightened child. "I don't know how, but we'll figure something out. I mean… people get married all the time, and they usually don't like their spouses half as much as I li-"

She shut her mouth before the words finished leaving them, but Hiccup already knew what she was going to say: "…as I like you"

Strangely –or maybe not so strangely- the thought that she might _actually like him _sent his heart racing faster than being told that he was going to marry her. He felt like it should have been the other way around, but when hadn't his life been just a little backwards?

And then he spoke.

"I do want this to be worked out. Out of all of the girls in the entire village, you're the only one I can see marrying and having kids with. Maybe you don't entirely agree… but I-I'll do everything that it takes to make you at least contented with having to be stuck with me for, um, ever."

The way he said it, so determinedly –even with the stuttering- made Astrid feel something for him that she hadn't felt since the moment when he'd flown unhesitatingly toward the Green Death. She'd summed up her admiration in one word then- 'Go'- and she summed it up in one word now.

"Okay."

His face broke into a smile and he nodded. "Let's do this."

**-O-**

They talked until the sun had fallen from the sky and the moon was up. They'd talked about everything: chores, working together, merging families, money.

They did end up talking about _doing it_, too, and it was strange, but not entirely unpleasant. Then they talked about children, and raising them. Hiccup cracked stupid jokes and let the puns flow, and that made Astrid laugh in a way that made Hiccup bubble with a strange, new kind of happiness that he'd never really felt before… especially not with her.

It seemed –to Hiccup, at least- so unearthly, yet so unmistakably _real. _And stranger still: his mind had been changed too many timed in the past week and a half that he didn't even begin to trust his own ability to make clear decisions. He noticed something though- when Astrid was happy, he was happy. When she was angry, he was frustrated.

It worried him, to a certain extent. Would he ever be himself again?

'_Yes,' _the part of his brain that thought rationally told him, _'you will. You might grow a little, but isn't that _supposed _to happen?'_

As he walked with Astrid–or behind her, really- back to her house, he saw something new in the situation.

Hope.

Okay, so maybe the whole thing had been sort of… thrust upon them, but the more he spoke to her, the more they tried solving problems _together, _the more he found that he liked her. He couldn't say he was in _love, _per say, but he certainly _liked _her. And…

He was getting terribly distracted by the way her hips were swaying as she walked.

Admittedly, part of the reason that he was finding it easy to get along with Astrid was, well, the fact that Hiccup would've had to have been blind –or not a teenage boy- to not notice certain curvatures that she possessed. He wasn't going to kid himself. He thought she was hot.

"… here now so if you'll just… Hiccup? Are you okay?"

Snapping out of his revere, he responded with a clever: "Hngh?"

"You look dazed."

Hiccup felt all of his blood rush to his face (most of it, anyway), and he struggled to come up with a reply that wouldn't have him sounding like a complete idiot.

"I, um… tired. I'm really tired. Exhausted, really, and I should probably be going home now. Yeah. Home. I'm really tired," he added an extraordinarily faked yawn at the end of his sentence, for effect.

"You're a liar, and you're babbling," Astrid said with a faint smile. "But yeah, you should go home before someone gets ideas. We _have _been gone for most of the day."

"Yeah. Well… so… goodnight. Good talk."

For a moment he just stood in front of her, in front of her house, and waited for something else to happen; though he didn't know what _could _happen.

"No goodnight kiss? Come on now, Hiccup. That's bad form," she teased with an almost vixen-like smirk.

Hiccup spluttered and went even redder in the face, but he never got to speak, for she'd sauntered over to him, popped up on her toes, and pressed her lips very _firmly _against his. He tried desperately to recover, but all he could do was place his hands on her waist- terrified that she would smack them away.

She didn't. He was being blown away by the fact that he was actually getting to _touch _her, and she hadn't hit him yet.

It was wonderful, he thought dazedly, so it was far too soon when she broke away with a loud, wet 'smack' and went inside, leaving Hiccup alone.

**-O-**

Stoick didn't like to get too involved in his son's personal life; not because he didn't care, but because it often resulted in some form of humiliation. But curiosity was a rather fierce opponent, and the chief was thoroughly curious when Hiccup stumbled in from outside, looking like he'd had too much mead.

He coughed loudly, and Hiccup turned like a startled deer.

"Dad! I- uh… you're still up! I didn't think you would be, at this point in time…"

"What have you been doing?"

Stoick hadn't meant it to sound intimidating, but Hiccup looked as though he was deeply afraid.

"Doing? Nothing! Nothing at all, not anything interesting," Hiccup squeaked, at least an octave higher than he meant to.

"Yes you were," Stoick seemed to ignore Hiccup's denial as if he hadn't even spoke in the first place. "Because you certainly weren't working."

"How do you keep finding these things out?"

"That's not important."

Hiccup blew out a long, shaky breath. How could he cleverly evade explaining that he'd spent his whole day shirking work and hanging out with his fiancée instead? It had been important to Hiccup that he clear the air with Astrid, but he doubted that his father would understand that. So he just said the first thing that came into his mind:

"I was in the woods, with Astrid."

Stoick's face darkened considerably. "Oh?"

Hiccup mentally smacked himself and muttered '_crud' _under his breath, realizing how bad that sounded… and looked. He _had _stumbled into the house, panting and flushed, and his best excuse was essentially: "I was out in the woods with a girl, for unspecified reasons." He might as well have added: "Oh, and she kissed me until I couldn't think strait. It was awesome, I really hope she does it again soon."

"Son," Stoick rumbled, deadly serious, "Are you aware of the consequences of your actions? It's important for you to understand that blindly following what you _feel _for a girl can end with-"

"NO!"

There was a strange silence.

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"Guh- gods…" Hiccup stuttered, "Dad… it's… not what you think. I swear. We just talked!"

Stoick gave his son a critical eye; he clearly didn't believe it.

"Well, okay, I walked her home."

The chief shook his head.

"Alright, alright. She kissed me. That's _all _though, I swear to Odin."

Even though it was the truth, Stoick believed that Hiccup was lying until the day he died.

**-O-**

Hiccup was still awake, even hours later. The moon had nearly sunk beneath the horizon and the sun was just barely starting to take its place, but he hadn't slept a wink. He was busy getting lost in his thoughts, thinking of passion and marriage and Astrid.

He… really liked her, and he'd decided that he'd gotten lucky. If he was expected to marry and continue the line, then who better to do it with than her? He'd even told her that.

Turning over in his bed, he thought. And thought. And then he fell asleep, and dreamt. And maybe it was the odd mix of nerves and excitement and a little dash of teenage-boy hormones, but he dreamt solidly of blonde haired beauties and gorgeous legs and battle axes.

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**4: Frejya- the goddess of love and passion. Think of her like the Norse incarnation of Aphrodite. **

**Let me know what you thought... until next week!  
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	4. Grave Robbing for Dummies

**Ahhhhh… this chapter **_**is on time**_**. Shmawesome. To my reviewers: You guys are blowing my mind with your feedback! So to Rat001, 4ever2010, ghosthead8503, OmarBarria, 122boy, Wondering Hail, givinglight, Xtraitor, and Anon- Thanks! SO MUCH C:**

**In answer to Link Fangirl01's question, there are many spellings for Frejya, and I happened to get mine on Wiki. **

**Special thanks go to Foxy'sGirl, Leon Woon, LeDragonQuiMangeDePoisson, and TigressPL, who've written the best reviews EVER. REALLY. They make me giggle-snort with delight.**

**And Dangit!, my sweet: Yes. There should have been some Solo cups involved. *insert sexy growl***

**Hope y'all like chapter four!**

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****Grave Robbing for Dummies**

Hiccup had thought that his life had gotten easier, but he was being proven wrong once again.

While it was true that the long talk that he'd had with Astrid had certainly made dealing with _her _a lot simpler a task, everything else had just gotten miles more difficult.

And it all started when Hiccup had seen Alhildr Hofferson in the village square, and made the devastating mistake of making eye-contact with her.

Now, Alhildr was usually a very gentle, soft spoken woman, but the gods seemed to see it fitting to have Hiccup encounter her on the _one day _when she wasn't. But when her normally sweet, grey eyes had met Hiccup's, he knew he was trouble. He didn't for what, but he _knew._

"Ah. Hiccup. Just the person I wanted to see," she greeted as she came close enough to be heard.

"How can I help you?" Hiccup asked, purely out of habit.

Alhildr's mouth pressed into a determined line; a facial expression that Hiccup had seen more than once on her daughter.

"I would have asked you sooner, but… what exactly was your point, keeping my Astrid out at all hours of the night?"

For a brief moment, Hiccup couldn't figure out what she was talking about, and then it hit him: she meant a few days ago, when he and Astrid had talked… and kissed. _That _was a happy memory.

"I- um. Yes," he staggered for a suitable response, "You see, she uh, wanted to lay down some rules? And it… took longer than we planned, I guess?"

It was clear that he was making it up on the spot- none of it had actually been _planned, _per say, because Astrid had simply shown up and demanded a talk in the woods. But unsurprisingly, Alhildr raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Young Master Haddock," she intoned in a very stern, motherly way, "I don't believe that for a second. Now, if my daughter's virtue is in any danger, I'll have you know that she has _three _very capable older brothers, and a father who is greatly displeased by this… by this… _behavior _of yours."

Hiccup felt like he should've known this was coming, honestly. And even worse, he felt that he should've had the foresight to get Astrid home earlier. But they'd really been on a _roll, _talking and laughing and losing track of time like that.

"Her virtue is still intact, I promise," he told her, wincing a little at how strange the words sounded coming from his mouth.

"Hmph! And you expect me to just... take your word for it? How do you explain such obvious exhaustion –and she was, mind you, the poor dear slept 'till nearly noon the next day- and such signs of physical activity?"

The woman now looked unusually challenging, and Hiccup nearly slumped over. But, trying to keep his argument valid he stood up straight, and tried to come up with something that would convince his mother-in-law to be that he had _not, _in fact, defiled her daughter's good reputation and honor.

But he couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how Alhildr made it seem like Astrid was some poor damsel in distress… after all, she'd been the one who'd dragged him into the woods, and then stuck her tongue in his mouth…

He coughed, trying to clear out the heat gathering in his chest.

"Well," he ventured slowly, "We _did _stay out too long –you can blame me for that- so that explains the exhaustion, and it _was _a long trek back from the clearing, so that's why she was out of breath…"

"She wasn't out-of-breath. She was _flushing."_

There was an odd undertone to her voice, almost as though she was daring Hiccup to contradict her. He stalled and stalled for as long as possible, not wanting to tell this woman what he'd actually been doing with Astrid before she went inside.

"That, I suppose-"

He was swiftly cut off by someone who was looking more and more like a savior every time he saw her: Astrid. It was clear that she was intent on telling her mother something, but when she caught sight of Hiccup, she stopped short.

"Mumma?"

"Astrid, dearest," Alhildr exclaimed, a little too innocently. "I've been wondering where you'd snuck off to! Do you have all of the herbs I told you to gather? Yes? Good."

Astrid gave an inquisitive look from her mother to Hiccup, and back again, and slowly said, "Mumma, you haven't been bothering him, have you?"

"Oh dear, I should hope not," Alhildr trilled, clasping her hands together and wringing them nervously. "Well, anyway, I think we've overstayed. Lovely seeing you, Hiccup. Come Astrid. Your brothers are likely in the process of destroying the house as we speak."

As she turned to leave, and awestruck Hiccup mouthed 'Thank you' to Astrid. She leapt off towards her mother, but turned and looked over her shoulder… and winked slyly.

'Welcome', she mouthed. Hiccup had been saved by his fiancée.

**-O-**

Three days later, he saw Astrid again at the forge.

She was in an obvious good mood, as she bounded into the sweltering heat of the stall. He swore that he heard her _humming _to herself, but he couldn't be sure.

"Astrid," he said, his greeting sounding more like a statement. "What are you doing here?"

She grinned at him, and –unless he was imagining things again- _licked her lips._ He coughed.

"I just wanted to see you, I guess," she seemed to back-pedal a bit, not wanting for it to look like she'd let her guard down, "Because… I actually wanted to see if those girls were still bugging you."

Hiccup smiled shook his head. His fanclub hadn't shown up in three days- the same day that Astrid had kissed him senseless. She had definitely succeeded in scaring them off.

"Good," she said triumphantly, "They were annoying."

They both fell quiet and there was a long silence, but it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as so many of the previous ones had been. It was almost… pleasant.

Hiccup returned to his work, smiling as he wrought a piece of sturdy metal into an axe head. She leaned into the wall, arms folding across her chest while she watched him work. It was a long time before she spoke again.

"So. One week, huh?"

Hiccup glanced out the window before answering –the sky was turning slightly rosy, which meant that twilight would be falling soon.

"Yeah. Crazy, right?"

"Mm-hmm. It's like there's just so much to do and not enough time to do it in."

Hiccup nodded in agreement, and then… he remembered something important.

"Oh gods! I'm supposed to be getting the sword tomorrow!"

He meant, of course, the sword that was going to be exchanged during the wedding ceremony. He'd been told that he was going to be attaining it from 'an old family member', but that had confused him greatly. He didn't really have many old family members… his maternal grandfather had been the only one left, and Old Wrinkly had died three years ago. **(5)**

"Do you know where you're getting it from? My dad said he got his from his father, so are you…" she trailed off, recalling something. "Wait. My parents got married when he was fifteen, but my grandfather died when dad was twelve…"

All at once, Hiccup understood.

"_Oh. My. Gods,_" he said slowly, both disgusted and enthralled at the same time, "He wants me to _grave rob._"

Astrid's jaw dropped and she shrieked, "What!"

"Gah! It all makes sense now! You remember all of the stories the Gothi used to tell us about heroes going into their ancestor's tombs to get swords for their weddings, right?" **(6)**

"Yeah," she replied, more than a little freaked out, "But I always figured that that'd gone out of style forever ago!"

"Apparently not. EW. I have to break into a grave tomorrow."

Despite the overall disturbing nature of the conversation, Astrid cracked a smile. Hiccup seemed to catch onto her amusement, and played it for all it was worth; gurgling and pulling faces and acting like a member of the risen dead.

"_Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third," _he droned in a ridiculously deep voice, "_You've stolen my sword! PREPARE FOR HEL!"_

Astrid totally lost her composure- she broke into hysterical laughter. The more she laughed, the sillier she became, and that made Hiccup start laughing too. Soon, they had been reduced to tears, holding their stomachs and snorting and gasping for air.

It died away for awhile, but Astrid breathed "I can see it now- Hiccup the Grave Robber," and they were off again.

Once they'd both calmed down enough to speak, Hiccup quietly asked "What do you want for your morning-gift?" **(7)**

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "It's unusual for a husband-to-be to _ask _what his bride wants for the morning-gift."

"I know…" he trailed, avoiding eye contact, "But I didn't want to give you something you hated or never used. I don't know. You don't seem like the type who'd want something useless."

She contemplated this for a moment –and secretly felt a little touched that he cared about it in the first place. "You could always give me a new axe or something."

Hiccup tried not to laugh, but he failed and let out a little snort.

"What?" she shrilled, "is that so strange?"

"Yeah," he said, grinning, "It is. Aren't morning gifts something a little more… feminine? Like jewelry and clothes and stuff?"

"Hey, you said it. I don't want something useless like jewelry."

"But you're marrying _me _here. I'm a blacksmith. I could make you weapons whenever you wanted them."

Astrid's mouth quirked into a grin. "True. So… maybe you could give me… hmmm. A metal arm brace?"

"You said you didn't want jewelry."

Her face suddenly tinged with pink, and she struggled to come up with a good defense.

"I said 'arm brace', not bracelet. They aren't the same thing."

"Yes they are," Hiccup contradicted, almost teasingly. "But if that's what you want, I'll make it for you."

"It is what I want, thanks. And good gods, it's late. I need to get home."

It _was_ late- the sun was in danger of sinking below the horizon at any second. Although Hiccup happened to agree with her, he wasn't happy to hear that she had to leave. Maybe because they'd had more fun than he could've ever _really _hoped for? Maybe because it had felt nice to forget about responsibility and just _be _as they were for a while?

It could've been either of those things, probably both.

She turned to the door and put her hand on the frame. A rare moment of softness occurred; Astrid's eyes turned onto Hiccup and she smiled. Brief though it may have been, it was striking- Hiccup suddenly felt as molten as the steel he'd spent the day working on.

But her moment of softness was gone in the blink of an eye, replaced with a taunting voice.

"Have fun grave-robbing tomorrow," she quipped as she turned and left, glancing back over her shoulder.

She was disappearing down the lane, hips swaying in that confident way that made heads turn. Hiccup's heart felt like it was going to thump out of his chest when he called out to her, "Do you want spikes on your bracelet?"

"It's an 'arm brace'," she called back, "And sure. Why not?"

**-O-**

The next day came too quickly in Hiccup's opinion. And early, too. The sun wasn't even up yet when he staggered downstairs and sluggishly made porridge. He was eating when he remembered what was scheduled to happen that day, and he felt his breakfast creeping up his throat.

"Hiccup," he heard his father say, and that started Hiccup on a coughing spree- he hadn't realized that Stoick was awake yet.

"Hiccup," he tried again when his son had stopped hacking, "Today is an important day."

"Yeah? I've heard," Hiccup responded dryly.

The chief ignored his son's tone of voice- he was like this early in the morning.

"Today is the day that you retrieve an ancient sword from the tomb of your ancestors."

Honestly, Hiccup was grateful for the fact that he'd already figured that much out with Astrid, or else he feared that he might've _actually thrown up. _

Stoick continued: "You won't be alone of course, I'll be there and so will Spitelout-"

"Toothless," Hiccup interjected.

"The dragon?"

"Yeah. Think of it as male bonding time."

"With a scaly beast? Alright, Hiccup, if you say so."

After breakfast, they got Toothless ready and soon ventured over to the Jorgenson household.

Spitelout had apparently been up even longer than Stoick and Hiccup, and was terribly amused at the situation.

"Excited, Hiccup?" he questioned his nephew before they set off.

"Thrilled."

Spitelout laughed in a way that was unfortunately reminiscent of the teasing guffaw that Hiccup had heard from Snotlout more than once in his lifetime.

'_Thank the gods that he's not coming, too…'_

"WAIT UP, I'M COMING TOO."

Hiccup almost started weeping at the sound of his cousin's voice, and looked at his father.

"Is that alright with you, Stoick?" Spitelout asked as Snot caught up to the three men and the dragon.

'_Please say no, please say no, please say no…'_

"Yes."

The day had barely begun, and already Hiccup couldn't wait for it to end.

**-O-**

It only got worse, much, much worse. He broke into the burial mound, just like he'd been told to, and…

_URK!_

Hiccup had to clutch at his stomach to keep from retching. The inside of the mound was relatively clean, with wooden rafters to support the dirt and grass above the body.

The _body._

It was… not recently dead, at least, and Hiccup thanked Odin that it didn't smell too bad. But just the same, the grimy bones were being held together by a thin film of rotted flesh and fur, and resting on top of the hollow chest was a sword.

Hiccup delicately reached out and plucked it from its bony holds, squeaking when the left hand fell away with a 'crack'.

"Sorry," Hiccup muttered to the corpse, hoping that this moment wouldn't come back to bite him in the butt. He turned to exit the mound, ancient sword in hand, but he was blocked by a large black shape.

"Toothless, you kind of need to move."

Toothless pay him no mind, and instead moved in further. Suddenly, Hiccup couldn't see a thing, because his Night Fury had obstructed any outside light.

"Gah!"

Hiccup pressed a hand to Toothless' snout, trying to use force to move the dragon, but Toothless wouldn't budge.

'_Oh great Odin,' _Hiccup thought dismally, "_He's stuck. I'm in a grave mound, and my dragon is stuck in the entrance."_

He yelled, shamelessly loud, startling Toothless and making him whine in displeasure and shuffle backwards… but it was in vain. He was good and trapped.

Hiccup heard voices outside of the mound: Stoick was shouting at Toothless, Spitelout was murmuring, and Snotlout was just plain _snorting _with amusement at the situation his cousin was in. There was a loud 'whunk', followed by a roar of laughter.

Hiccup, personally, didn't think that it was very funny- whatever it was.

Realizing that the three men outside were probably not going to do anything productive to get him out, Hiccup slid the handle of the sword in between Toothless and the dirt that made up the entrance to the mound. Praying that the whole thing wouldn't collapse into a heap of dirt and wood and dead body, he wiggled it and…

A small chunk of earth came away from the hole. Hiccup coughed violently as the clods of dusty grime swirled upwards.

"Just a little more," he muttered –partially to Toothless and partially to himself- "And we'll be out."

He shifted his weight, leaning as he pushed the sword a little deeper into its spot between Toothless and the wall, and Toothless let out another whine as the hilt of the sword dug into his side.

"Sorry buddy, but it's the only way out."

The dragon huffed and nudged Hiccup's leg as if to say "just get it over with."

Finally, the entire left side crumbled away, and Toothless backed out of the mound like it was on fire. Hiccup, luckily, managed to get out before the ceiling caved in

When he emerged back into the world of the living –and after his eyes had readjusted to _light_- he was met with another roar of hysterics.

"I almost got crushed by a collapsing grave mound and you three are _laughing about it!"_

Both Stoick and Spitelout were too far gone to say anything, but Snotlout managed to choke out a string of words:

"You… stuck… dead dude… HAHAHAHAHA! OH GODS that was the _funniest thing I've ever seen in my life! _Only you, cuz! Only you could get stuck in a grave!"

"Oh please," Hiccup retorted, voice on edge, "_If _you ever get a girlfriend, and _if _you ever have a contract in place, I promise that when it's _your turn _to go sword hunting, _I will make sure the same thing happens to you."_

That sent Spitelout and Stoick into even further hysterics, but Snotlout stopped laughing or even smiling.

Hiccup smirked evilly as he caught a glimpse of Snot's terrified expression.

**-O-**

The day did get better, and Hiccup was glad for it. He was now hunched over a delicate little piece of silver, working onto an intricate knot. When he was done with that, he intended to set a little hunk of polished Nadder scale into the center.

"I can't believe yeh got stuck," Gobber was saying to him, "And I wish I was there to see it."

"It wasn't that great," Hiccup responded testily, poking his tongue out the side of his mouth in concentration. "I worked my way out of it."

"All the same. This is the kind of story you'll be tellin' your bairns on winter nights, you just wait and see."

Hiccup had to smile at the thought- regaling a brood of freckled children with the tale of a too-curious Night Fury and a collapsing grave.

Hiccup stayed at the forge until long after sundown, hunched over his work. And when he was finally finished, he looked over what he'd crafted with a strange sense of pride and… maybe just a little apprehension:

Two rings, both silver; one was a plain band, sized to fit a young man's finger, and the other was smaller –right for a female- delicate and detailed.

'_In six days,' _Hiccup thought as he stared at the rings, '_I'm getting married to Astrid Hofferson.'_

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_**5: Old Wrinkly is Hiccup's grandfather on his mom's side in the books, so I'm being shamelessly uncreative and using that here.**

**6: The Gothi is the elder of the village. And, yes, the Vikings really did break into graves and steal swords to exchange at weddings. NOT. MAKING. THIS. UP.**

**7: The morning gift was given to the bride as a... morning after present. It was usually a sort of thanks for giving the husband sexual access.**

**Let me know what you thought of this week's installment... next week, we get to *drum-roll please*:**

**The wedding.  
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	5. Surviving a Wedding

**HERE IT IS U GIAZ. THE WEDDING CHAPTER. This was **_**so **_**much fun to write, so I hope it's just as much fun to read. **

**To my reviewers: Seriously? sweet blossom89, ghosthead8503, givinglight, 122boy, 4ever2010, OmarBarria, Wondering Hail, ahoykailee, and MaxJacksonCullengirl, YOU BLOW MY MIND SO HARD. Special thanks to Foxy'sGirl, LeDragonQuiMangeDuPoisson, Leon Woon, and Aj the Psychic, who've written such fabulously in depth reviews. I squee like a school girl when I see them.**

**And of course, thanks so much to my IRL peeps, Dangit! and Mediatormercedes. When I see you I'll give you both really big a$$ hugs.**

**On with the show, then...**

**EDIT 2/18/11: There were a lot of stupid spelling mistakes when I first posted this, so I've fixed them. Bleh. EMBARRASSING.  
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**Surviving a Wedding**

'_It's Thursday. Oh gods. It's Thursday and tomorrow is Friday.'_

Hiccup was frantic, darting about the forge, tugging at his hair, and occasionally running into the back room to check on the morning gift- just to make sure it hadn't moved. At one point, the bracelet –_arm brace, _Astrid would say- had somehow migrated underneath a sketch, and he'd nearly had a nervous breakdown.

"Yer buzzin around like an angry hornet," Gobber stated as Hiccup sat on a bench with his head tucked between his upright knees. "You need to _calm down._"

"Easy for you to say," Hiccup said- well, gasped, really, "_You _aren't getting married tomorrow. _You _aren't getting put into wedlock with _Astrid Hofferson. You _aren't going to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get the picture. The point is, Hiccup, you're flitting around and not getting a darn thing done. People get married all the time," Gobber pointed out, "And you're no different."

"But- I- she's-"

"You're just a boy, she's _just _a girl, and you're getting married just like so many have done before yeh."

Hiccup glanced up from his fetal position and nearly argued with his mentor. He could've pointed out that he was going to be the chief in the future, or that Astrid was probably the scariest, fiercest, most _gorgeous _girl that had ever walked the earth, but instead he just blew out a gusty sigh.

"I know, I know. I just don't want to mess up."

Gobber's mouth quirked into a smirk. "Oh, you undoubtedly _will_ mess up. But tha's how it goes."

The rest of the day was spent rather quietly: most of the village was involved in cooking and preparing the Mead Hall for the next day, so not too many people stopped by the forge. And that meant that Hiccup had plenty of free time to worry and sketch, and then worry some more.

It was two hours before Hiccup was supposed to go home, but Gobber eventually just told him to leave early- whether Gobber was being kind or was just annoyed by Hiccup's presence, no one would ever know.

**-O-**

Hiccup was startled awake very early the next morning by a pounding heart and a terrified feeling.

It was Friday, still predawn.

'_Oh gods. Today.'_

He tried to calm his racing heart by lying back down –he'd also bolted upright when he'd awoken, apparently- but after what felt like an eternity, he gave up. He simply couldn't get back to sleep.

With a sudden sense of renewed alertness, he flung his blankets and fur pelts off of him, grabbed his leg from where it was leaning against the bed, and strapped it on.

He needed to fly.

Hiccup climbed down the stairs as carefully and quietly as he could and snuck out the front door. The moon was low in the sky, but it was still nowhere near sunrise. Toothless was sprawled out next to the front door, glinting darkly in the moonlight and huffing out breaths like he was asleep.

Hiccup whispered "Hey, Toothless," as if that would wake a sleeping dragon, but surprisingly, the Night Fury's head rose.

"You wanna fly, buddy?"

Toothless was up and bounding about playfully at the mention of a flight, leaping around Hiccup and cooing. Hiccup laughed –as quietly as he could manage- and hunted around for his gear.

They took off not too long after.

It was soothing and wonderful, flying in the dark. There was a fine mist drifting through the sky, but otherwise it was clear and beautiful.

Hiccup nearly lost track of time- but the sun was casting an eerie white-pink light over the horizon, and it signaled the real beginning of daytime. Almost the moment Toothless touched solid ground, Hiccup heard his name being called by his father; he knew what was coming next.

**-O-**

The ritual bath was something that Hiccup had been particularly dreading about this day. There were almost too many reasons to count: he would be bathing in front of his male peers, friends, and family. He would be doused in strange smelling herbs and scrubbed at until everyone was convinced that he'd washed away his status as a bachelor.

But the worst, by far?

He'd be getting advice on women… and pleasing them. Not like, "Making them generally happy and comfortable", but the more _intimate _kind of pleasing.

The bath house was warm and muggy, and it made Hiccup feel like he was being smothered- and the men talking to him were only making it worse.

Now, Hiccup had heard songs and some… rather rude tales that depicted –however vaguely- the act of reproduction. He'd overheard people talking to each other about it. Gods, he'd even thought about it _himself, _but this was completely different. This was outright _graphic._

"You can never be too slow," Spitelout was currently explaining, "At least not on the first go-round."

"Can't stress that enough!" someone else seconded.

Spitelout nodded. "And if she scratches, let her. She's going to be in a lot more pain than you, if you're lucky."

"Wait," Hiccup interjected, feeling an onslaught of panic, "If I'm _lucky? _She'll be in pain if I'm _lucky?_"

"Tha's not what he means," Gobber explained, "It always hurts for them if they've never tried it out before. Somethin' to do with their girly bits," –at the words '_girly bits' _Hiccup groaned and sank chin deep into the water- "but gods, do they scratch sometimes. Just ask your father."

Stoick smiled almost fondly; Hiccup considered drowning himself at that point.

"Ungh," Hiccup mumbled inarticulately, "Is it possible for it _not _to be horribly painful?"

"Not unless she's done this before." **(8)**

Hiccup clenched the side of his little wooden tub, and was about to say something along the lines of "I'm pretty sure she hasn't," but he was stopped short by a rush of warm herb water. After he finished choking and sputtering he looked up at his assailant: Snotlout, of course, who was smirking.

"You had something in your hair," he explained.

Hiccup stuck out his tongue, and Snot let out a hearty laugh. "And remember cuz, everyone'll be shouting advice at you," he stopped and raised a fist into the air, "You won't be alone."

"I doubt drunken slurs are going to help me much," Hiccup grumbled as he nestled his head against the side of the tub. And he figured that all of the witnesses would be drunk- at least if they were, they wouldn't remember if he screwed up.

Stoick tried his hand at reassurance. "You only have to prove that you're capable of making children. Although," he added, "Maybe you'll surprise us."

Hiccup's head jerked up so fast that he nearly smacked into the wooden edge.

The poor boy could only stutter while everyone else in the bath house had a good laugh at his expense.

**-O-**

At the peak of the day, they were wed.

The Gothi spoke softly, but everyone heard her words as she blessed the two. Their swords were exchanged –Astrid's a symbol of her family's joining with his, Hiccup's a sign of protection. The rings were presented as well, traded, slipped by one another onto the others' ring finger.

Hiccup saw her eyes widen when she glanced at the ring he'd worked so hard on, and he was proud.

Then they clasped hands. Was it Hiccup who was sweaty palmed or was it her? Or was it both?

"Do you, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, take this woman to be yours and yours alone, to protect and honor her name, and to uphold you duty as husband?" the Gothi intoned smoothly- but so regally that all in the crowd could hear.

Even with his throat so dry and his breath so fleeting, Hiccup said "I do" loud enough to demand the attention of those who were watching.

Gothi nodded and turned, "And do you, Astrid Hofferson, take this man as your husband, in order to bear his children, to be his very pride, and by law and right, offer to him the very fullest of your gifts as wife?"

Astrid's neck stretched, her head high and her voice clear as it had ever been, and she responded with a resounding "I do."

"Then in the sight of Odin, Freya and Sjöfn, you are now joined in wedlock. Go and celebrate."

**-O-**

Viking wedding parties were nothing if not a little wild- and this was one that would be remembered for a long time as one of the wildest.

The crowd took off running as soon as Gothi dismissed them- last one to the Mead Hall would be expected to clean up, which was a more unpleasant task than cleaning up underneath the dragon perches; and that was saying something. But of course Hiccup and Astrid had gotten a head start, so it was no surprise that they arrived first.

When they did, Hiccup crossed over the threshold and held out his hand- it was tradition, so that the bride wouldn't trip as she crossed over. It was far more likely that _Hiccup _would've tripped, but so it was.

Once everyone had gathered in the hall, the toasting began.

It started with the chief making a speech in blessing and support of his son's marriage, and then Hiccup was given a singular cup filled with honeyed mead. He sipped it and nearly choked on the sickly sweet concoction, and then passed it off to Astrid, who did the same. **(9)**

She wrinkled her nose as she put it down.

"They expect us to drink this stuff all month," she said lowly, so that only he could hear.

"Could be worse."

She smiled slyly and licked the remainder of it off of her lips -and then grimaced.

And so, after the initiation, the feasting started, but more importantly, so did the drinking, and the dancing, and the crude jokes. The music was loud, the people were happy, the food was good.

Hiccup spent most of the celebration sitting at a table and worrying while Astrid flitted about the hall and had a good time.

He was terrified of the feast ending, because he knew what would come after it: the consummation. It was going to be bad, he was just sure of it, especially with everyone watching. And the whole village was undoubtedly going to show up; it was important for the future chief to be able to make children. **(10)**

That was probably _last _on the list of reasons for everyone wanting to see it happen. They probably wanted to how badly he'd mess up.

'_Only drink enough mead to get a proper buzz,' _his father's advice floated randomly through his mind, '_because it won't be pretty if you're so drunk that you don't remember what's going on.'_

Hiccup seriously doubted that he could drink that much mead anyway- it was just so _sweet. _He did, however, sip at it carefully, in the hopes of calming his nerves.

And he'd done a fair job of it too, until Astrid wandered back to where he sat, alone, clutching at his cup of mead.

"You look lonely," she pointed out, and Hiccup had to wonder just how much _she'd _had to drink, "You want me to make you… _not _lonely?"

She wiggled her eyebrows at that point. '_Oh gods. She's _definitely _a little off kilter.'_

Hiccup gestured at the seat next to him, and she sat down with a tiny huff.

"So," she said conversationally, "We're married now, aren't we?"

"Yep," Hiccup replied, "We are."

"Strange," she said, leaning her elbows on the table and nesting her chin in her hands, "I thought I'd die an old maid."

Now _that _wasn't something Hiccup had ever known about her. "Why do you say that?"

"Oh, you know. I'm such a… such a… _Viking, _y'know? I never really thought about getting married."

"Yeah, I guess."

She turned her head and looked him over. "Then you and your dumb contract came along. And now I'm hitched."

Hiccup wasn't entirely sure if she was complaining or if she was just joking.

"It wasn't really my idea," he replied.

"Naw, I know, I know. It was actually my dad's –but it was really mum who got the whole thing started. She told my father that if I wasn't married in another year, she'd take me to the Thing, and that wouldn't have been any fun at all. Thank Valhalla that they picked you. Imagine if I was married to… Snotlout, or something." **(11)**

Hiccup laughed quietly to himself as he pictured it. That would've been too weird.

"You know something?" she breathed, suddenly a lot closer to his face than she had been before. Hiccup could smell honey on her breath and lavender in her hair, and she had a distinct glimmer in her eyes.

"No," Hiccup managed, despite the fact that he felt like his brain was going to stop working, "What?"

"I'm pretty dang happy that they picked you."

She seemed even closer than she had been before, and her eyes were slowly but surely getting narrower. Her lips parted with a tiny outward breath, and…

"Why is that?" as soon as the words were out, he wished he'd just kept quiet. She'd obviously had the intention of kissing him.

A shaky sigh blew into his face, and she leaned back again.

"I honestly don't remember," she quipped, eyes rolling upwards.

'_Well,' _Hiccup consoled himself –albeit pitifully- "_At least she's not acting like some weird drunk now.'_

Unfortunately, all of her attempts to get closer to him ceased. She did, however, cast him a slightly wayward glance and mutter "You can be so stupid sometimes, for all of your smarts,".

He flashed Astrid his toothiest grin, and then winced when she punched him in the shoulder.

There was actually a chance that she was going to follow up with a quick kiss, like she had so many times before, but they were interrupted by a small group of females that was composed of the Gothi, Alhildr Hofferson, and a few other old-ish women. And strangely enough, Ruffnut, who looked both mischievous and sympathetic.

"It's time, dear," said Alhildr quietly. **(12)**

Astrid looked to Hiccup, and her expression was akin to one of someone who'd just seen a Whispering Death –completely pale.

"I have to get ready."

Hiccup's heart started pounding so fast that he was surprised when he didn't fall over on the ground, dead. She was going to get ready. _She was going to get ready._

"Uhn-hgn. You should, uh, yeah…"

"See you later," she breathed, and then she gnawed at her lower lip. "Well, you know. More than _see _you."

"Gods. Okay."

There was a horrible silence, but thankfully it was broken by Ruffnut grabbing Astrid's wrist and laughing.

"Come on, let's do this thing!"

Astrid seemed to snap out of her fright, and grinned hugely. "You got it."

The tipsy-flirty version of Astrid seemed to make a return for a moment when she nearly _purred _at the nervous boy: "I'll _see _you later."

While she sauntered away, Hiccup's barely functioning brain managed one thought:

'_Dear gods. I'm screwed.'_

**-O-**

There was a huge crowd, exactly like he'd expected; there were people crammed into his house and there were many standing outside -vying for a good spot at the window. He was led in by Stoick, of course, because it was important that the chief be a witness.

The first thing he saw when he walked into the house was that there was a load of furs and linen laid out on the floor- for easy viewing, he assumed, and surrounding it was the Gothi, Astrid's parents, and -oh _gods- _her brothers. How was he going to do this in front of her _brothers? _Stoick soon joined the innermost circle of witnesses, and after he did… Hiccup saw Astrid.

He swore he felt his jaw touch the floor.

She was kneeling on the furs in what appeared to be the thinnest, filmiest night tunic that had ever been made. Her hair had been freed from the complicated system of braids and was completely loose over her shoulders, and there, on her head, was the bridal crown that she'd been wearing all day.

Their eyes actually locked for a second. Something wonderfully fiery was burning away some of the embarrassment and nerves that he'd been feeling for so long.

But _only_ some- he still tripped over himself as he made his way over to her. Astrid stood up quickly, and put her hands on his shoulders to steady him.

"Hgnnh?" he hummed. That was all he was capable of.

"I agree. So, now that you're here…" she was resolutely _not _taking her eyes off of his face, "We can get this over with."

"Mmmhmm."

"That means that you need to take off my crown," she hissed, sounding nearly frightened.

"Right," Hiccup tried, but his voice cracked horribly on the word as it left his mouth. He coughed and said it again, going for low and smooth. It _still_ sounded too high and squeaky.

Trembling, his fingers wound their way through her hair and found the pins that held the straw and flower crown in place, and he pulled them away carefully. He'd meant to keep the pins in his hand and… do something with them, but they simply dropped to the floor. He didn't care nearly as much as he thought he would.

And then the crown came off. There was a collective gasp from the audience -as though they hadn't been expecting it- and then silence.

"Um," Hiccup muttered as quietly as he could, "What do I do with this?"

Astrid reached out and grabbed it from his hand. "You don't do anything with it," she whispered, and then she quite nearly threw it to the ground and flung her arms around his neck.

If any of the kisses that she'd given him before were good, this one was _the almighty _of all kisses.

The crowd was now cheering, and someone had called out 'Bone him like a fish, Astrid!', but Hiccup couldn't hear past the pounding of blood in his head. In fact, his senses were just blocking out everything that wasn't _Astrid._

She broke away first, panting. "We can do this," she gasped into his ear –he visibly shuddered when she did- "It might be awful, but at least we'll _both _be suffering."

"Gee, thanks," Hiccup groaned, "That really helps."

She actually laughed at that, before pressing her lips against his all over again.

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**Sorry about how fragmented this chapter was. I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN EXCUSE.**

**8: Yes, yes, I'm aware that sports and other activities can cause a girl to lose her 'veil', as it were, but it probably wasn't common knowledge back then. **

**9: The mead brewed out of honey was traditionally drank by the married couple for an entire month- that's were the term 'honey-moon' comes from. Also: there, Dangit! I MADE A SOLO CUP REFERENCE, JUST FOR YOU.**

**10: IT'S TRUE. Vikings _really did_ watch a newly married couple consummate the marriage.  
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**11: The Thing: basically, a marriage market. Women would show off their skills, and men would pick out the ones they liked. Not too pleasant.  
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**12: Female peers, friends, and family of the bride would've gotten her laid out and ready for the smexytiems.**

**BUT ANYWAY, let me know what _you _thought of this installment!  
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	6. Day One of Your New Life

**Ohohoho, it's the wonderful morning-after follow up chapter. Let the fun commence.**

**I'd like to thank my reviewers, who've really been part of the reason I keep on writing this story: MaxJacksonCullengirl, alvind-rod, OmarBarria, 122boy, Voldyne, givinglight, Fuzzylogic11, stringint, Slipd, 4ever2010, and ahoykailee. OH U GUYS ARE THE BOMB.**

**Special thanks to Foxy'sGirl, LeDragonQuiMangeDuPoisson, Leon Woon, and Aj the Psychic- y'all have given me some of the best, most constructive reviews yet. Thanks ever so much.**

**AND OF COURSE, Mediatormercedes and DangIt, who are the coolest IRL pals in the whole freaking world. You two are the lolz.**

**Plus, in response to Romance and Musicals: I've done a lot of research… I already knew **_**some **_**stuff, but most of it's all new knowledge to me. That, and I'm a research junkie.**

**HERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTLEWORMS.

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** Day One of Your New Life**

Waking up next to another person was possibly the strangest feeling in the world, if you weren't used to it.

Astrid was not used to it _at all._

When she woke up the next morning her head was pounding and… she had a pair of arms wrapped securely around her waist and a head nuzzling her shoulder.

"GAH!"

At the sound of her screech, Hiccup startled awake with a yelp.

"What? Is something wrong? Oh gods, what is it?"

Astrid swiftly punched Hiccup in the stomach, and he detangled his limbs from her body.

"Ow! _Why would you do that?_" he cried, curled over and clutching at his abdomen.

"Because you scared me," she deadpanned, as though it was terribly obvious. "You were _right _in my face." She took his distraction as an opportunity to pull the sheets up to her shoulders; _she, _at least, had an ounce of shame.

"Well… sorry."

"Nobody told me that you were a snuggler," she explained.

"Who would have?" he pointed out, "It's not like I've ever… erm… _slept _with anyone before."

"Good point," she conceded, "But still. You don't seem to understand personal space very well."

He rolled his eyes. "I was asleep."

"So was I. The difference is that _I _would have kept to myself."

"Hmph."

Hiccup yawned and then stretched, his long arms hooked behind his head. And –not that Astrid would ever, _ever _tell him this- his bare torso looked pretty darn nice.

He caught her staring, and slumped over immediately, like he was hiding.

'_Well,' _she mused, fingering the sheet that covered her upper body, '_He's not the _only_ one.'_

She managed to tear her eyes away from his hunched frame and _finally _take a proper look at her surroundings: Hiccup's room. They hadn't stayed downstairs after they'd... made the marriage official, but instead came up to his loft and went to sleep.

No really, sleeping was the _only _thing they'd done in this bed.

But she didn't mind that at all. She had been too tired and embarrassed to do much else than drag herself up the stairs and plop down onto the wonderfully soft furs and just _drift off._

"So…" he started, trying to break the awful silence that had settled over the space, "Um. How do you like the house so far?"

"It's house-y. I like your room," she replied, looking around.

"_Our _room now, I guess," he said, and then smiled as though he liked the idea. "Yeah. Ours."

Astrid wasn't sure if she liked how it sounded or not. The idea of not really being an individual so much as part of a pair was both exciting and horrid to her.

She did, however, like the idea of sharing a room with Hiccup for a long time to come.

It wasn't exactly that she was mad for the boy or that he'd proved to be some sort of incredible lover or anything ridiculous like that… it was just that Astrid had grown to like him a lot.

She'd even become fond of his goofy smiles, his freckled face, and his almost absurd lankiness.

He was looking at her now, slyly eyeing the sheet that she was covered in, which brought her to clutch it all the harder to her chest.

"What're you looking at?" she murmured.

"Oh," he hummed, snapping his eyes away quickly, "Nothing."

"Enjoying the view?" she hissed, annoyed.

"No! I- uh, I mean…" Hiccup trailed off, searching for the correct words, "You're… um. You're very good looking. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Astrid was torn between the desire to laugh at him for his awkwardness and the –very odd- desire to kiss the boy.

"Maybe," she replied lazily, "What are you going to do about it?"

Hiccup seemed to consider it for a moment, and then: "I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm the one who's married to you, aren't I?"

"Not going to fight for what you've got?" she challenged half-heartedly.

"I haven't needed to just yet," Hiccup explained, smiling softly, "But if I have to beat someone up for looking at you wrong, I will. Even though I'll probably end up unconscious."

"Hey, it's the thought that counts."

There was a moment where they smiled blearily at each other. It was a wonderfully foreign feeling to Astrid; to just _be _with him and not worry about what was expected of her next.

That feeling was gone when she realized that she had to trek over to her house –well, her _old _house- and have her mother teach her how to do her hair in its proper, married woman fashion. **(13)**

She sighed and slipped out from under her sheet- and almost face palmed when Hiccup's jaw dropped.

'_Typical male.'_

But she had to give him credit; as soon as he noticed her slightly irritated expression, his eyes dropped to his hands, like he was preserving her modesty.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't be," she hummed, as she set about gathering her clothing, "You'll get used seeing me like this and then it won't be such a big deal."

"I don't know. I don't think I'll ever get used to… that," he breathed, gesturing wildly to her figure.

She smiled at him as she pulled on her leggings. The way he said it… made it sound almost like he couldn't ever even _dream _of getting tired of her. It was nice. Flattering.

Astrid didn't waste her time thinking about her own looks, but really? She liked _that_ thought.

**-O-**

Walking through the village to her parent's house was a nightmare.

Nobody was saying anything to Astrid, luckily, but she felt like everybody was looking at her. They'd all _seen _something terribly private, and now she didn't feel like she could ever face the world again.

She _would_ face the world, though, because hiding from it would be totally useless.

But all the same, when she knocked heavily on the door of the house that _used _to be hers, she almost flushed at her mother's expression.

Excited.

"Oh dear!" Alhildr exclaimed, calling over her shoulder, "Beinir, get over here! Astrid's arrived!"

"Mumma. It's not like I was away for three weeks. I was just gone overnight."

"Silly thing," her mother buzzed, obviously thrilled. "I can't wait to show you how to fix your hair up. I've been waiting for this moment since the day the midwife told me I'd borne a girl!"

"Really," came her father's gruff voice from behind Alhildr, "She went on about it all night."

"Hush, Bein. You were just as excited as I was, and you know it!"

Astrid laughed at her parent's banter- they'd been like this forever. As she stepped inside, she looked over at the younger two of her older brothers, Grettir and Oddr. Grettir was avoiding eye contact with her while Oddr was wearing a devilish smirk.

"Have a nice night?" he drawled.

She wanted to punch his arm, hard, the way she always had when they were children. But instead, she drew up her most dignified stance –even with her tangled bed head- and glowered at Oddr.

"It was fine, thanks."

Oddr's mouth dropped open with a little pop while Grettir coughed into his hand. It was strangely satisfying to see her brothers so uncomfortable.

"Well," Alhildr exclaimed, a tiny bit too shrilly, "Astrid. Shall we?"

Astrid nodded, her heart fluttering for some strange reason. Was it _strange _to be afraid of a hair style?

Away from the front room was a curtained segment where her parents slept. She and her mother ducked into it, and then they were alone.

Aldhildr's eyes were becoming wet, and even though she tried to blink it away, Astrid was quick to notice. She always noticed when her mother cried.

"Mumma," she said, reaching forward and touching Alhildr's cheek. "You don't need to be upset. I haven't left forever or anything."

"Oh, I'm not upset," she explained, "You're my only daughter, though. I remember when you were born, dearest. And I was so excited when you survived to your first birthday… the- the only girl child of mine who ever had…"

It was obvious that she'd been fighting off tears the whole time, but Alhildr simply dissolved then. Astrid was awkwardly standing there, holding her arms across her chest, unsure of how to placate her sobbing mother.

Astrid had never been very good at dealing with people who cried. She couldn't figure out how they did it.

"So. Yes. I need to be at the Mead Hall in a bit for my, um... my morning gift."

"Ah! Yes, of course. Silly me."

Alhildr gestured wildly to a small stool in the corner of the room. "Be a dear," she sniffed, "And bring that over."

Astrid did as she was told. When she was seated, she felt a comb dragging through her hair, gently, and loosing the knots.

"So," her mother started, "How _was _your night."

Astrid wished people would stop asking that. Everybody had _seen _the interesting part.

"It was… uneventful."

"Oh? That's odd."

"Why on earth do you say that?" Astrid sighed.

Even without seeing her face, Astrid could tell that her mother was smiling knowingly. "It's just," she hummed, "It seemed as though… the way he _looked _at you when it was all over…"

"And you think that… Mumma. I was tired. I wanted to sleep."

"Men won't always listen when you say you're tired, you know."

Astrid turned her head abruptly; the comb that had been running through her hair stuck in one spot, and gaped at her mother.

"He let me sleep! He didn't ask for anything," Astrid chastised, annoyed in a way that she couldn't quite understand, "And he never would. If he _even considered _it, he knows that I'd beat the snot out of him!"

"I'm sorry, then," Alhildr affirmed apologetically, pulling the comb from its position –stuck, "I didn't realize how it was between the two of you."

"And how is that, exactly?" Astrid asked from between clenched teeth. Those tangles really hurt.

"It's obvious that he cares a great deal about you. I think," Alhildr considered out loud, carefully beginning to plait Astrid's hair, "That time will be good to the two of you."

**-O-**

Oh, but how the Mead Hall was crowded, full of people with hangovers and those gathered around to see the exchange of the morning-gift.

Astrid had to crane her neck to find Hiccup, who was in the center of the Hall, at a table. His head was also lifting, searching for _her. _

"Hiccup!" she called when she was in earshot and eyesight of the boy.

"Oh good! Astrid! I was worried that…" he trailed off as she drew nearer, looking her over. "Wow. You look… um, different."

She frowned; she was wearing the same clothing she usually wore- minus the armor, but she knew what he was referring to. Her hair, of course, which was now resting atop her head in a system of highly complex plaits that would be Hel to take out at night. **(14)**

"Good different or bad different?"

"Good," he grinned, "Definitely good. I like your hair up like that."

She had to grin back at him and his dorky expression. He always showed just a little more teeth than other people when he smiled.

But then it was on to business- Hiccup began by handing her the keys to every lock in the Haddock household.

"It's your house now," he explained, holding out the set of iron keys, "You make the rules. You're in charge of it," and then, wryly, he added, "As if there was any doubt that you're in charge now."

"Good to know that you understand your place."

His lips quirked upwards on one side, and he picked a little package of linen and twine up off of the table.

"And this… um. This is for… last night. And, er, letting me… yeah."

It was no surprise that he was having trouble getting the words out, because he was essentially thanking her for sex. Astrid kind of choked on the thought.

He was holding the package out toward her, eyes darting from her face and to the package and then away from both of them. She took it from his hands and plucked away at the twine, and then…

Almost dropped it in shock when the linen wrapping fell away to reveal a pair of spiked arm braces.

"I figured that they'd at least be good for a laugh," he muttered, head down and watching her reaction.

"These are…" she didn't know where to begin. They were _perfect, _in all the ways that they could be- they fit over her wrists and felt exactly right, they were detailed and designed with the shapes of reptilian wings and tails, and they were _spiked. _He'd actually put _spikes _on them.

"Odin," she said, fighting back a bubble of mirth, "These are seriously the best morning gift any wife has ever received. Hiccup, these are…"

She trailed off completely, noticing how he was looking at her: affectionately.

"So you like them?" he questioned timidly.

"Like is a bit of an understatement. These are great."

Hiccup smiled so broadly that his mouth threatened to reach his ears. Astrid pulled off the cloth arm warmers she was already wearing and replaced them with the metal braces. She stretched out a little, and put her hands on her hips.

"They look very… you," Hiccup said, looking her over. "A little scary but…" he seemed to choke for a minute, unable to get his next words out, "Attractive."

She wanted to blush and giggle for some ridiculous reason, but she quashed the urge as fast as she could. Instead, she punched his shoulder.

"Ow. That's the second time you've done that today," he complained half heartedly.

"_That _was for calling me scary," and then, in front of everyone in the Mead Hall, she pulled him over by his wrists and kissed him rather messily.

"And what was _that _for?" he panted, red faced and grinning obscenely.

"That was for everything else."

**-O-**

The rest of the day passed almost as if nothing had changed. Astrid found herself doing everything she'd always done before- practicing with her axe out in the woods, popping into the forge to check on Hiccup, and taking her Nadder, Spark, out for a fly.

But there were a few things that she wasn't used to.

Her neck, for instance, felt incredibly bare without hair falling over it. And it was strange not wearing a kransen. **(15)**

Possibly the strangest change, though, was after nighttime had fallen. She ate with Stoick and Hiccup now, and not having the cheerful babbling of her mother, the gruff laughs of her father, and her brother's teasing and good natured joking was completely foreign to her. The men she was living with now were remarkably quiet.

And she was expected to be the woman of the house. Astrid knew for a fact that there hadn't been a woman of the Haddock household in about ten years.

So after the silent dinner, it was a welcome relief to get outside and feed Spark.

"Hey there girl," she whispered to her Nadder, "You like your new home?"

Spark tossed her head and snuffed almost disdainfully. She was obviously less than impressed with her new quarters.

"I know, I know, you don't like sharing with other dragons. You'll get used to it."

"I'm going to build another stable for her, you know."

Astrid turned around quickly; she hadn't expected Hiccup's presence. He was leaning against Toothless and rubbing idly at the Night Fury's head.

"Oh. Okay," Astrid replied lamely, "So it turns out you _won't _be sharing," she added to Spark. The Nadder seemed to perk up at the news.

Once both dragons were fed and had been scratched a bit by their owners, Hiccup and Astrid headed inside.

"Where's your dad?"

"Ah," Hiccup said, nodding, "He's got a bed down here. It's sectioned off, in the corner there," he pointed to an area near the back of the house that was separated by a leather screen. "He's too big for the stairs."

Hiccup chuckled softly, and started up towards the loft. He stopped though, and turned to Astrid, who seemed to be stuck in one place and was staring at the flight of steps like they were going to lash out and bite her.

"Something, um, wrong?"

For a fleeting moment, she'd actually been a little… _anxious _about going to bed with Hiccup. She was torn between hesitation and excitement, because, as strange as it felt, she actually _wanted _to. It was new. She wanted to see what else could happen.

"Nope," she told him, feeling bold, "Let's go. I want to see more of your _room, _personally."

He caught her inflection and went completely red. "I-uh. Wait, you want to… oh gods. Oh. _Gods."_

Astrid all but dragged Hiccup up the stairs, laughing to herself at his stunned expression. When they were up in his loft, she pulled him in close and kissed him witless.

"And the best part is," she breathed into his ear, earning a shivery little squeak out of the boy, "There's a whole month left of the honey-moon."

"Just as long as I don't have to drink anymore of that mead. That stuff was nasty," he said, grimacing, and then he dipped his head down to kiss _her.

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_**I swear, this is the last super pervy chapter of this fic. I SWEAR... next week we'll be back to an actual plot.  
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**13: Before the day really got busy, the mother of the new bride (or a servant, or a sister, or a friend) would help her put her hair into it's married Viking lady hair-style.  
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**14: And that's how it would be done- braided and up in a knot.  
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**15: A _kransen _was a head-bandy type thing that unmarried girls and women would wear... Astrid had one in the movie.**

**Am I the only person noticing that all of this weeks footnotes are about hair? How odd... anyway, let me know what you thought of the awkward follow up chapter!  
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	7. On Producing Offspring

**Oh boy, chapter seven. We're finally getting close to the apex of this fic. **

**So… apparently this fic was recommended on TV Tropes! Yeah, seriously. I'm so flattered that I might fall over dead at any second now. I'd like to thank my reviewers: Rat001, OmarBarria, ghosthead8503, HowToBeARockstar, Romance and Musicals, Voldyne, Hicc, and drunkenpixie. **

**Special thanks to Foxy'sGirl, Aj the Psychic, LeDragonQuiMangeDuPoisson, Leon Woon, and my IRL buddy, flaming-mercedes. YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL HNNGJKFL!1!**

**So here it is. Enjoy.**

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**On Producing Offspring**

The first three weeks went well; much better than either Astrid or Hiccup could've really hoped for. Some days were better than others, of course, and the pair had their fair share of awkward moments… but all in all, those first three weeks hadn't been difficult.

It was in the fourth week, however, when Astrid soon realized that she'd been lulled into a false sense of security.

Trying to keep up with the mess generated by two Viking men was not easy or fun, and she was getting tired of housework. She wanted to fling an axe again. She wanted to go flying.

So when Hiccup came home from the forge, she called an impromptu meeting together.

"You," she said, poking a finger at his chest, "Sit down. I have to talk to you."

Poor, unsuspecting Hiccup. He went right along with it and sat down.

"Listen. This whole playing wifey thing is starting to get on my nerves," she punctuated this statement with a gesture to the general clutter that had built up on the small dining table. "I'm fairly sure I told you that I _wouldn't _be… you know. Constantly cleaning and cooking, but here I am, doing it anyway. Do you see my point?"

Hiccup's brow furrowed. "If you said that you wouldn't do it, then why are you? You don't have to."

Astrid wanted to bang her head against a wall for his ridiculous cluelessness. "Because," she sighed, exasperated, "If I don't, nobody does."

"Oh."

"Yeah. You need to pick up the slack, or something, because this is driving me crazy. I feel like some kind of… urg."

She was cut off by a sudden pang in her temples and a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Are you okay?" Hiccup questioned, standing up and looking her over nervously. "You look like you're gonna be sick."

"It's just a headache, it'll go away," she replied, clutching at her abdomen in the hopes of ridding it of the sick feeling that was settling in.

"Maybe you should go to bed…"

"Ugnnnnnh," seemed to be all she was capable of responding with. Gods, she felt _awful. _And it had come out of absolutely _nowhere._

Hiccup was next to her, holding onto her shoulders- and with good reason. Astrid both looked and felt ready to collapse at any second.

"Here… um," Hiccup offered, looping his arm underneath hers and doing his best to support her weight.

"I don't need your help to _stand_," she snapped, but even as she said it, she pressed a hand to her forehead and tried to ignore the fact that the room was spinning.

Almost immediately, her vision went spotty and she leaned into Hiccup's arms.

"I'm going to throw up," she informed him calmly, before she did exactly that.

**-O-**

Astrid was confined to the house for several days after that, despite her arguing that she felt fine.

Well, some of the time.

After a week, it was starting to look like this unexplained illness wasn't planning on leaving any time soon; and still she tried to convince Hiccup that it was nothing. She didn't get sick. Astrid Haddock did _not get sick._

"I'm telling you," she explained to him one night as he climbed into bed, "It comes and goes. One minute I'm fine, and the next… blarg."

"Hmmm," Hiccup considered, mentally running through all of the ailments he'd ever had. "I don't know what it is. Maybe you should see the healer?"

"No! I'll give it another week. If it's not gone by then, I'll see the healer, but… not yet."

**-O-**

_Two _weeks later, the sickness was still as bad as it had ever been- maybe even worse.

But still, Astrid refused to see a healer, so Hiccup made her promise -at the very least- that she would go and see her mother.

"Why would I want to talk to her about it?" she argued pointlessly.

"Because," Hiccup sighed, "She's a lot older than you. Maybe she knows something we don't."

That was the end of that particular argument, and she finally gave in to Hiccup's request; she ended up sitting in her parent's house, whilst Alhildr poked at Astrid and asked her about a million questions.

"How long has this been going on?"

"About three and a half weeks."

"Has it been consistent?"

"No. Off and on."

Alhildr paused, looking thoughtful, before she started counting on her fingers.

"Six and a half weeks," she said slowly, carefully considering something, "That's how long you've been married."

"Yeah," Astrid huffed, starting to feel like the whole trip was a waste of time. "Why is that important?"

"Have you… missed anything?"

"Like what?"

"Like…" Alhildr was obviously struggling with the words, "Like… a monthly visitor."

Astrid's eyes abruptly went very round and she stood up quickly from her chair.

"You _can't_ be serious! You just _can't_!" she cried, hands flailing.

"Haven't you considered it? It makes plenty of sense," her mother said sagely, putting her hands on her hips.

"There's _no_ _way!_ It's… I'm not… I can't be…" and then she trailed off, feeling both dazed and angry, because she _hadn't _considered it- but it had been there the whole time. She sank down into her chair, choking on the sudden fear that had bubbled up into her chest, and she rested a hand on her turning stomach and clenched it there.

"So? Is it a possibility?" Alhildr questioned excitedly.

"Yes," Astrid responded, very faintly. She felt ready to throw up again. "It's… yes."

Alhildr nearly started jumping, she was so excited. "Well imagine that!"

"Uh huh."

"Astrid, dear," her mother said soothingly, "This is wonderful. And such a joy!"

"To you, maybe," Astrid muttered, "_You_ don't have to worry about… everything."

"What do you mean by that, exactly?"

"I mean… well, there're about a hundred things that could go wrong."

"Of course there are, but you needn't fear things that haven't happened yet. Just let time take its course, and everything will be fine."

"Hmmm," was her brilliant reply- she wasn't completely convinced.

Astrid stayed for the morning, listening to her mother go on and on about 'all the joy you'll be experiencing!' and 'one of the most exciting parts of womanhood!', but it all seemed to fly over the dazed girl's head. Time seemed to slow to a bizarre halt- it was so _surreal. _

Once she'd left, Astrid didn't go home immediately, instead wandering the village square in a daze and trying to put off the biggest thing she was dreading: telling Hiccup that she was pregnant.

**-O-**

Well.

Apparently, telling him was easier said than done, because it took her an hour to get up the courage to even _consider _telling him.

To make matters worse, he kept asking her what the diagnosis of her mysterious illness was. She _meant _to tell him the first time he asked, but she copped out and responded with a "Can we not talk about this right now?"

So now he was worried that she had some incurable disease, she was experiencing horrible morning sickness, and now her mother had dropped by the Haddock household to offer help cleaning the house.

"Okay," he said that afternoon at the forge, after Astrid had escaped her mother's doting, "What's going on? Because I'm pretty sure that your mom isn't just stopping by to say 'hi' for no reason…"

'_Oh boy,' _she thought miserably, _'I'm going to have to tell him now, aren't I?'_

Hiccup was just staring at her, waiting for an answer, and she steeled her nerves.

"You've gone and gotten me pregnant, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the III."

He just stared at her for at least two minutes, as if she'd said something like "Gronkles are not very good looking creatures."

And then he dropped his hammer in absolute shock, and he started stammering.

"Oh my- how in the name of- you're joking, right?"

"Nope. Not joking at all."

He ran a shaky hand through his hair and took in a sharp breath. "Woah," he gasped, "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. I blame you, by the way. You and your stupid baby making abilities."

"My stupid… hey, that's considered a good thing by most people's standards!"

"I didn't mean that as a compliment," she huffed, folding her arms over her chest. "Gods, Hiccup. Why have the past two months been moving so fast? I mean, I didn't even think I was getting married until two months ago, and now _this?_"

"I'm sorry."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Nothing you can do about it. We were roped into marriage, we had to consummate it, and this is the result."

"Wow," he breathed, leaning against a barrel. "It's just… that was fast."

"I'm almost not surprised, honestly." There was an interesting tone in her voice, like she was implying… _something._ It was true though; she _wasn't _completely surprised. They were both young, weren't they? So it was natural that they hadn't any trouble in this area.

Hiccup suddenly looked very nervous, and his face went white.

"Hiccup? What's wrong?"

"Astrid," he said slowly, looking at her fearfully, "We've only been married for about a month and a half…"

"I know. What's wrong with that?"

"What happens if, say, the baby is born just a little earlier than some, right? It happens all the time. I was. Anyway, say that happens. Well… if anyone was to do the math, they might come up a little short, wouldn't they?"

She got his point immediately. "Hiccup, that's ridiculous. We didn't do anything wrong."

"Well, _we _know we didn't," he explained, "But… remember when we had that talk? In the woods? I'm pretty sure my dad didn't believe me when I told him that we _only _talked, and your mom had some choice words for me later…"

"You're worried about _nothing,_" she sighed, "Especially because we _didn't do anything wrong._"

"I know, I know, but…"

"Stop it," she groaned, moving closer to him and grabbing his shoulders. "Just stop it. I'm sure that nobody will even give it a second thought, and even if they did, what proof would they have?"

He muttered unintelligibly and looked down at her.

"Nobody ever _needs _proof for that sort of thing…"

She cut him off with her lips, seeing as she was in a perfect position to do so.

"Mmmfff," he hummed into her mouth, still trying to argue with her, "Hhhhnnmmff, hnnnng."

Astrid pressed her attack further; she bit his lower lip, just hard enough to make him shut up.

When he pulled away, he had a goofy grin on his face.

"You're right," he panted happily, "I'm sure nobody'll notice."

**-O-**

That night, Hiccup told his father. It was at dinner, when things were quiet and they were all gathered in one place.

"Dad," he started, unsure of how to begin, "I, um, have some news."

"_We,_" Astrid hissed, jabbing his side with her elbow, "_We _have some news."

"Right," Hiccup agreed, nodding, "We have some news. Um… there are going to be some changes soon… some… rather large ones…"

"Out with it," Stoick sighed gustily, "Instead of beating around the bush."

"She's… she's…"

"Pregnant. With child. _In the family way,_" Astrid finished for him, speaking as though she'd said it a million times.

"Yeah," Hiccup said quickly, "That."

"Beard of Thor!" Stoick exclaimed loudly, "Already? Didn't even know you had it in you! Well done, son!"

Hiccup offered a nervous little laugh.

"Just think of that! Grandchildren! All these years, and here I thought I would die without a single grandchild!"

"Thanks dad," Hiccup muttered dryly, "That really means a lot to me."

"Don't thank me," Stoick laughed, obviously missing Hiccup's sarcastic undertone, "Thank Astrid here. She's the one who has to bear your offspring!"

Astrid shot Hiccup a look that he was afraid might singe him into a pile of ashes.

Suddenly, Stoick stopped laughing entirely and the room grew very still.

"Wait a second," he said suspiciously, "This seems a little _too _soon…"

"Odin, here we go," Hiccup murmured.

"Son. You weren't telling me the truth about what you two really did in the woods, were you?"

"I- ahg, it looks really bad, but we didn't…"

Hiccup looked to Astrid in the hopes that she would offer some sort of support.

"We really didn't, sir," she explained -though Stoick remained unconvinced. "Your son just happens to be extremely talented at making children…"

"Dear, sweet Frejya… _you're not helping my point here, Astrid._"

She smirked, as though it was payback for getting her like this in the first place.

"Hmm. Well, it doesn't matter much now, I suppose," the chief said darkly, "Since the two of you are already married… but this could've ended very differently if the wedding had been put off for another month. Don't forget that, Hiccup."

The poor boy only groaned and put his head down on the table, while Astrid's lips pinched and she looked him over with smug satisfaction. It felt pretty darn nice to make him nearly as uncomfortable as she knew she was going to be for the next few months.

**-O-**

Much later that night, they rested in their bed and stared at the ceiling together.

"I wonder what he'll look like."

"He? What if it's a she?"

"Whatever. I was just wondering what it'll look like."

"I don't know. I hope it has your eyes, personally. I'm a sucker for green eyes."

Hiccup rolled towards Astrid, head propped up by his hand.

"Really?"

Even in the dark room, she could feel his smile. It seemed to radiate from him like a beacon.

"Yeah," she said slowly, embarrassed that she had let something so secret slip, "They're just… nice. They're… pretty."

"You think green eyes are pretty?"

Astrid gave a non-committal "Mmmmmm," and nestled into the furs resting on the bed. Why, _oh why _had she told him that she liked green eyes? It was going to go to his head, she was sure of it.

He -luckily- let the subject drop, instead moving to another feature that their unborn child might have:

"I hope it doesn't come out as freckled as I am."

She laughed, arching her back and stretching as she tried to get comfortable.

"Who knows? With any luck, it'll have my skin and your eyes."

"Here's hoping that it'll get your battle skills," Hiccup huffed, lowering his head down and moving in closer to her.

And… something new happened, something shockingly intimate. He wrapped his arms tentatively around her nightgown clad waist, and when she didn't shove him away, he rested his head on her shoulder.

There was a weird fluttering in Astrid's chest. Not because she was nervous, not because she was angry, and not because she was excited. There didn't seem to be a reason.

She shifted and squirmed, and ended up with her hands on his shoulders. It wasn't familiar, but it wasn't unpleasant. His breath blew against her neck warmly, and his lips rested -as if he was lightly kissing her- against her jaw. She felt absurdly safe and warm that way.

"Yeah," she breathed into his hair as he started to doze, "Here's hoping."

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**Well, that's the big news. Way to go, Hiccup.**

**Also: I don't have any footnotes for this one... it's really more emotional than historic. OH THE FLUFF. Let me know what you think.  
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	8. Dragons and Jealousy

**Sorry about the late update, guys! I've had a lot to do lately… and writers block doesn't help much, either…**

**Well. I have good news and bad news. The good news is, this chapter has a bit more Toothless in it, which I know some of you were hoping for. The bad news? Because of multiple circumstances, I will only be able to update every **_**other **_**Thursday until after Easter. **

**With that aside, I want to say thanks to my reviewers: Rat001, OmarBarria, 4ever2010, givinglight, Voldyne, loquendostrogg, Chocoholic Bec, Romance and Musicals, and greatsilverdeath. You freaking rule.**

**Special thanks to Foxy'sGirl, LeDragonQuiMangeDuPoisson, Aj the Psychic, Ryan Lohner, Leon Woon, and my buddies DangIt and flaming-mercedes. Gosh darn it, it's people like you who make my ego inflate like a hot air balloon until I'm absolutely insufferable. And I love every minute of it!**

**Aaaaaand I think I'm going to start actually replying to your individual reviews, now that I've figured out **_**how **_**to. Gack. That's embarrassing.**

**Here's the (late) chapter eight!

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**Dragons and Jealousy**

Toothless knew something was different.

He'd been getting used to the fact that he was now sharing a stable with an incredibly vain Nadder –Spark, the humans called her- and he'd been getting used to the fact that his boy didn't take him flying nearly as often as usual. He had figured out that having a mate took up an awful lot of his boy's time.

Back before his boy had gotten a mate, they used to go flying together all the time! They used to play and have fun!

But now? _Now_ he only saw his boy during feedings… and he was lucky if he got a scratch on the head once or twice a day. Toothless' patience was waning.

It was no different one mid-autumn day, but the Night Fury had made up his mind. Things were going to change, and they were going to change_ that day. _

_Squeak thump, squeak thump, squeak thump. _That was the sound that his boy's footsteps made when he walked; his metal left-foot was the reason. The stable door opened, and in walked Hiccup with a woven basket slung over his back. Toothless sniffed the air and… _salmon! _His boy had brought him _salmon!_

"Hey, Toothless. How's it goin'?"

The Night Fury leapt up from his little bed of straw and warm stone –he heated the stone by himself, thank you very much- and proceeded to bound about affectionately, cooing and crouching down on his front legs.

"You hungry?"

If dragons could talk, Toothless would have said very clearly to Hiccup:

"I am _very hungry, _boy, but mostly I want to go flying, and I could use a good scratch behind my ears."

But dragons could _not_ speak, and thus Toothless was reduced to leaping and crooning excitedly as Hiccup spilled the contents of his basket for the Night Fury.

While Toothless ate, Hiccup sat -with some difficulty- and stroked his best friend's head.

"It's been a crazy few months, huh bud?"

Toothless looked up briefly and gave a coughing laugh in assent, before returning to his fish.

"Can you even believe it? One minute I'm completely normal, and the next? I'm married! And now…" he paused, choking a little on his words, "I guess you don't know this yet, do you? I'm gonna be… a dad. Wow. Crazy."

It was as if Toothless understood; and why not? He'd always understood Hiccup before, even when no one else had. He nudged his scaly, jet black head against Hiccup's legs, and seemed to… urge him to elaborate.

"It's happening so fast, it really is," he continued, waving his hands around to illustrate his point. "I'll be seventeen in winter, and here I am, married with one on the way. Who'dda thunk?"

Hiccup sighed loudly and started lazily scratching under Toothless' neck, whose eyes rolled upwards. Oh, he _loved _it when his boy scratched under his neck.

"We haven't gone flying in a while, have we bud?"

_Ahhhhh, _there it was! In that sentence -though Toothless could only understand 'flying' and 'bud' as far as human words went- was the very same hope that the Night Fury could not put into words. It felt like a promise.

"We'll have to do that, and soon... Astrid's been cranky lately. Anything to get out of the house, y'know?" he added a dry little laugh at the end.

Toothless huffed and nudged his head underneath Hiccup's hand.

The dragon and his boy sat in the stable for a long while, listening to the sounds of softly rustling hay and Spark the Nadder squawking in her sleep. It was comfortable; two best friends who hadn't spent nearly enough time together as of late.

But then it was over, and Hiccup needed to get back to doing human things, because he had responsibilities now that he never had before.

Toothless watched his boy go, and decided that it was time for serious action.

**-O-**

It was another icky day for a certain Astrid Haddock.

She absolutely _hated _this time of year, when the leaves were all fallen and the sky was constantly grey and dripping with cold, wet rain…

The overall feeling made her sick -or maybe it was just the morning sickness' fault. But all the same, the clouds made her feel terribly claustrophobic. And _sick._

Something that she'd discovered in the course of the past few weeks: morning sickness was not named very well. It could -and did- strike at any given time during the day, which made getting through these horrible autumn days even more difficult than it already was.

And it didn't help that she had constant company in the form of an over-eager Viking mother.

Alhildr Hofferson had taken it upon herself to always make sure that the house was in decent condition, and while Astrid fought her tooth and nail on it at first, once the exhaustion of being pregnant set in, she was in no condition to argue anymore. She just let her mother feel useful and clean things and cook and be generally motherly.

Astrid, though, felt completely use_less_, and she tried as hard as she could to occupy her time.

'_Funny,' _she thought to herself on occasion, '_How just a little while ago you didn't have _enough _time.'_

At least she got to throw an axe again. She liked that she could go into the woods and practice like she used to… or at least, until she felt too ill to keep at it. And truthfully, she wanted to go for a fly with Spark, but she didn't trust herself to feel well while up thousands of feet in the air.

By the time late afternoon had rolled around, Astrid was out of interesting things to do with herself, so she resorted to her favorite fighter of boredom: Hiccup.

She found that watching him work was unusually interesting, and it was becoming a habit of hers. She didn't get in the way, so it wasn't like she was a bother. And listening to Hiccup and Gobber's familiar banter was more fun than listening to her mother going on and on all day.

And –though she often told herself otherwise- she liked being near Hiccup. He was comfortable and witty and an all around _good feeling, _which was certainly a plus for Astrid right around now.

So she was a very happy girl when she showed up at the forge and sat herself down on a little wooden bench that was so handily set up in the corner, and Hiccup darted around and melted steel.

"So your mother won't leave you alone?"

"Nope. She sees it as her sacred duty to bug the living Hel out of me day in and day out, but she means well."

Hiccup threw Astrid a wry look, lips quirked at the corners.

"I'm sure she does," he agreed, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes and leaving a streak of dirt across his forehead, "Your mom is nice like that."

"Yeah, and she's not very good at keeping secrets. She is definitely loving the fact that she gets to baby me again."

Hiccup laughed, and there was a slightly incredulous edge to it. "Has she always been that way?"

"Oh yeah," Astrid sighed, stretching her legs out in front of her, "She likes raising girls best."

"You're the only one," Hiccup pointed out, "It makes sense that she would be so… well, you know."

She was quiet for awhile, looking him over. Suddenly, there was something that she remembered vaguely from her childhood, a subject that she hadn't willingly approached in a very long time.

"I _wasn't _the only one, Hiccup. There were… a lot of girls born into my family, but I'm the only one who made it past the age of two." **(16)**

He stopped dead in his tracks, shocked. He'd never known that about her.

"I had three older sisters," she mumbled, looking at her lap. "I never met them, obviously. But Fundinn is the oldest boy in the family, and he was around back when they were born."

Hiccup kept staring at her.

Astrid felt a little odd, and the more she thought about the siblings that she'd had and lost, the more she thought of her own child, still so tiny and still growing inside of her at all times of the day and night.

Fear caught her by surprise, licking up her spine and tickling at her ribs. She'd heard of babies who'd simply... faded away long before they were even born, sometimes in the first few weeks of pregnancy. And even if one did bear a live child, so many _died…_

But then the fear was gone, because Hiccup had moved in close to her and was now sitting on the bench.

He didn't say anything, but he could feel exactly what she did. _Fear. _It might've seemed useless to worry about something they could do nothing about, but…

The weight of being a parent-to-be was unsettling, but there it was. Hiccup's hand was resting, open palmed and upturned, next to hers.

The silly boy was far too shy to ask, but Astrid understood his intentions and she grabbed his hand and intertwined her fingers with his.

She was awash with the very same fluttering that she'd felt only a few times before, and even though he was dirty and had sweat rolling down his face and neck, she found herself wanting to kiss him. Hard. _Right now._

Hiccup's unoccupied hand wandered up to brush her bangs out of her face, and he smiled in an absurdly adorable way, and then…

His smiling lips were soon busy, engaged in a sort of messy duel with hers.

"Well then. Don' let me interrupt you."

Astrid pulled away first, surprised by the voice that was coming from the door of the forge.

"Gobber!" Hiccup cried, ridiculously high pitched. "I-I thought you were… out for a while."

"I told yeh I had to get somethin'," he explained, holding up his left arm –which had a small hammer attached, "I've got i', and now I'm back." **(17)**

Poor Hiccup. He looked like he was simultaneously choking and hyperventilating.

Gobber could only laugh at the boy's misfortunate expression, and then he had a good laugh at Astrid; she was sitting as though she was expecting some kind of grave news.

"I suppose I've killed the mood then, eh? Well don' just sit there, get back to work, you ninny!"

And the rest of the afternoon was filled with jokes and laughter and an all around _good feeling._

**-O-**

"Oh dear gods."

That was not a good thing to hear when you first walked into your stables. Astrid had the intention of taking Spark out of her little pen- the morning sickness was waning and Astrid felt well enough to fly that night.

But as soon as she had entered the stables, she was stopped short by her husband's voice.

"Hiccup? What are you…" she trailed off as she was met with a very _strange _sight.

There was a pile of fish –that in itself was not too strange- but they all looked to have been regurgitated. Toothless was looking at the large-ish pile with an air of triumph, while Hiccup tore at his hair and gesticulated at the pile.

"What on earth is going on here?" she questioned, almost amused- if it weren't for the fact that there was a mound of pre-digested fish on the ground.

"I don't… actually know. I think he's sharing with me, only instead of just hoarking up _one _fish, he hoarked up _the entire basket._"

"Feeling generous, maybe?" she guessed.

"Or he wants something," Hiccup said with a wry glance towards the Night Fury. "I told him I'd take him out flying…"

"So? Why haven't you?"

"Oh, I don't know," he replied, shifting from foot to foot, "I just… it's silly, actually."

"What's silly?" Astrid continued, curious.

"I just… have been trying to be at home as much as possible. When I'm not at the forge, that is. I just… don't want to leave you at home."

"I'm hardly ever alone," she reasoned, "If it's not my mother keeping me company, then it's your father."

"My father is going to have a lot to do, with winter coming. So he won't be-"

"Hiccup. Stop making excuses. I can do just fine with a little time to myself, and you haven't gotten to fly in weeks."

"I know, but-"

"Go tonight. I won't take no for an answer," she told him, a small smile forming at the corners of her lips.

"I know you won't."

**-O-**

Toothless was forever grateful to his boy's mate.

His plot to offer his entire dinner to Hiccup as a bribe had met with failure, and he might not have gotten to go flying if it hadn't been for the female. Maybe he would give _her _some fish when he and Hiccup were done flying.

There was something very different about the female, though the dragon couldn't place it. When he got close enough to smell her, she'd reeked of… Hiccup? And it was mostly in her midsection…

But Toothless had stopped thinking about that long ago, because he was up, high in the evening sky, finally enjoying fresh air again. Oh, glorious _flight! _How the Night Fury had missed it!

Yes, he was eternally grateful to his boy's mate.

**-O-**

Back in the stable, Spark wasn't eating anything.

Hard as Astrid tried to get her fussy Nadder to eat, Spark wouldn't touch her cod.

"What's _wrong _with you? You _love _cod!"

Spark squawked and tossed her head.

"Oh, not you too! Fine, fine, I'll take you out tonight. I was going to after I fed you anyway."

The Nadder squawked in assent, before snatching up two fish at once and swallowing them whole.

**-O-**

"So… they were both in on it, it turns out."

Astrid and Hiccup were still up, even though the moon was high outside of their bedroom. They were still sitting in bed, lit by a small candle, talking about the various adventures of the day. It had become a habit of theirs.

"That's hilarious. So… she wouldn't eat anything?"

"You got that. At least, she didn't until I promised to take her flying."

Hiccup laid back into the furs of their bed, gently tugging her down with him and wrapping her up in his arms. This, too, had become a habit of theirs.

"You were feeling up to it?" he questioned softly.

"Yeah," Astrid sighed, "The morning sickness wasn't too bad, later in the day."

"That's good."

"Uh-huh."

For a long time they were quiet, wrapped in each other, and for a brief moment, Astrid thought that Hiccup had fallen asleep.

So she was a little surprised when he spoke.

"Are you afraid?"

"Of our dragons plotting against us?"

"No, of our baby."

She squirmed so that she could look at him. "Why would I be afraid of a _baby_?"

Hiccup sighed, and then laughed a little at himself. "What I meant was, 'are you afraid _for _our baby?'"

"No. Of course not," she told him, far too quickly.

"Liar. You're just as afraid as I am," he chuckled, although he meant it in earnest.

Astrid looked at him through her eyelashes, and she felt ridiculously meek and feminine. "Maybe… just a little. But who isn't?"

"Yeah. If it isn't one thing to worry about, it's the next, right?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well," he explained, smiling –a little blearily- at her, "First we were worried about getting married, and now we're worried about having a kid. I suppose the next thing to worry about is child raising, huh?"

"Yeah, but each thing comes with its very own perks."

"I guess so," he mumbled, because his face was buried in the crook of her neck. "It only gets better from here on out."

She smiled and nodded in agreement, before blowing out the candle.

* * *

**(16) No, I'm not just being dramatic. Infant mortality rates were high back in the day, and a woman who had ten children might've only seen three live to adulthood.**

**(17) I'm pretty sure that it was his left hand, but every time I looked up a reference, it switched. So I just picked one.**

**Well... let me know what you thought, and I guess you'll hear from me in another two weeks!  
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	9. Side Effects Include Mood Swings

**HECK YEAH, UPDATE. **

**So... two weeks to work on this chapter and I _still _didn't have enough time. Really. I think I'm just doomed to always feel at least a little pressed for time.**

**I want to thank all my lovely reviewers, who -hopefully- are still reading after the long wait. So Voldyne, ghosthead, givinglight, Romance and Musicals, OmarBarria, Rat001, 4ever2010, Ze Great Camicazi, JeMS7, Hebi R., Novanto, and Protesterlover: THANK YOU SO EPICALLY MUCH.**

**In response to x: I can't give away the gender, so I guess you'll see. **

**Special thanks to Foxy'sGirl, Aj the Psychic, grahamcracker-xx, and Kuri for your super-duper encouragment and con-crit. And of course, DangIt! and flaming-mercedes... you guys are freaking _great. _DON'T EVER STOP.**

**And here's the long awaited chapter nine.**

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**Side Effects Include Mood Swings and Violence**

At around the four month mark, the cravings started to really take root: Astrid wanted turnips.

No, 'wanted' was a bit of an understatement. She _needed _turnips, lots of them, and she needed them _desperately. _

Now, turnips were standard fare on Berk, because they were the one of the only edible plants that could grow in the cold, harsh ground. They were plentiful, and though they weren't necessarily the worst tasting things in the world -or even on Berk- they weren't particularly delicious, either. Astrid had never really liked them all that much, even though her mother had tried valiantly to make them appetizing. It was the norm for Berkian children to despise turnips as if they were poisoned, and to throw violent fits when offered a bowl of them.

Or at least that's what Astrid's older brothers had always done.

Nonetheless, the craving had set in and refused to go away. Alhildr had warned Astrid about cravings; they could strike anywhere, at the strangest of times, and for the weirdest of things. Alhildr, for instance, had been partial to smoked eel when she was pregnant with Astrid's brothers, and pickled beets with Astrid herself.

At that point, she'd already been cooking turnips rather abundantly; she wasn't a very good at cook and they were one of the only things she knew how to prepare.

Unfortunately, eating the same thing night after night had its drawbacks- the males of the Haddock household did not share Astrid's newfound love for the vegetable.

"Y'know, you're really starting to worry me," Hiccup told her one night, as the Haddocks all sat at the small table near the máledr. "This has to be the… what, bajillionth night in a row?" **(18)**

"You don't like it? You can go to bed hungry," Astrid hissed in return, before practically diving into hers.

Stoick, on the other hand, said nothing. He simply poked at his plate and smirked as he remembered a time -nearly seventeen years prior- when his dear Valhallarama had been the same way with chicken legs.

**-O-**

At the end of autumn, the snow began to fall.

"It's going to be a harsh winter," Alhildr mentioned offhandedly one day when she visited the house. "Slipknot Thorston is convinced that this'll be the start of Fimbulvetr. Granted, she says that every winter." **(19)**

Astrid let out a little laugh as she stacked clean wooden plates and placed them in the cupboard. She'd gone from irritated at her mother's presence to being mildly grateful for it. She wouldn't tell _Alhildr _that, of course, because then she'd never leave, but…

Some days, Astrid just wanted to be alone, and others, she _needed _company. Today was a company day.

"Luckily for you," Alhildr said quietly, "You'll be having a spring baby. Late spring is the best time for babies, I always thought."

Astrid nodded, and unconsciously put a hand to her stomach, where she could feel a little bump starting to form, just a tiny little one. She wondered if it looked as conspicuous as it felt.

**-O-**

A week later, it snowed so hard that the world had become a wall of white. Hiccup was the first to discover this -while it was still very early morning- and almost immediately after he'd opened the front door, he shut it again and decided to go back to bed.

By the time that he'd stumbled back up the stairs and into the loft, Astrid was awake.

"Why're you up here? I thought that you wanted to leave early for the forge this morning," she mumbled, rubbing her bleary eyes.

"Uh-uh. It's snowing. Really hard."

"So?"

"I couldn't see anything," he explained, gesturing randomly to the ceiling. "If I went out, I'd probably never return."

Astrid rolled her eyes and then yawned. "I'll bet you're just glad for an excuse to go back to bed."

"Darn straight," he mumbled as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his prosthetic.

She suppressed a laugh, and watched him resituate himself under the still warm furs.

"Are you actually tired?"

He turned his head towards her, a small but somehow _hugely obscene_ smile starting to spread.

"I might not be," he said slowly, "But I'm definitely cold. Freezing, actually."

"Oh? Do you need help warming back up?"

"Couldn't hurt," he said wryly, giving her a sideways sort of glance.

Astrid felt a wave of unexplained affection rush over her, and she didn't hesitate to fling the furs out of the way so that she could curl over him and fix her lips rather firmly over his.

"Mmmmmph," he hummed into her mouth not three seconds later, "Affffrid?"

She pulled away and frowned at him for interrupting, before she groaned "What?" as irately as she could.

"Um. I just…"

"Well? Were you going to say something?"

He flushed bright red and looked away from her eyes for a moment. "Wasn't anything important," he mumbled, suddenly quiet.

"Liar," she quipped, poking his ribs and peering at him quizzically. "Now that you've brought it up, you have to tell me."

"No, really. It wasn't like it was a big deal or anything."

She pushed his shoulder and rolled so that she was facing away from him.

"You're so annoying sometimes, y'know that?" she hissed, and she heard the linen sheets beneath them rustling as he shifted uncomfortably.

"Sorry," Hiccup said earnestly, hand resting on her waist.

"Telling me that you're sorry won't make you any less annoying," Astrid snarked. His fingers twitched, but his hand didn't move.

The _nerve _of that boy.

"What will?"

"What were you going to tell me?" she challenged, because she was partially curious and partially angry. Why wasn't he _telling _her?

"I just… um. Wanted to tell you that I l-" he broke off as the "l" started to slip from his mouth, as if he was backtracking. "I like you."

Astrid was yet again surprised at her change of mood; from irritated to affectionate again. She flipped over, and then let out a little squeak of surprise; his face was a lot closer to her shoulder than she'd thought.

"Hi," he whispered, smiling in a way that showed the gap in his teeth.

"Um, hi to you too?" She had to bite down the horrible urge to _giggle -_of all things- because he was being extremely dorky and adorable at the same time. It was nearly disgusting.

That smiling mouth was awfully _close._

She leaned in quickly and caught his chin on accident, but he didn't seem to care. His hands rested delicately on her hips, pulling her closer but somehow not close _enough_.

Astrid squirmed and moved her mouth onto his, parting her lips and quite nearly assaulting Hiccup with her fervor. She rolled over him; he was warm, so wonderfully warm, and she smiled into his mouth as he pushed a hand through her hair.

It was still fairly dark in their little loft room, the only light coming from a small window on the far side of the room. The tiny patch of sky that shown through that window was dark gray and only vaguely beginning to resemble dawn, so she reasoned that they had a little bit longer 'till sunrise.

**-O-**

By mid-morning, the snow had piled up to nearly a foot. That, in and of itself, was a good excuse to stay inside, but Hiccup was on a mission- he needed to make sure that Toothless and Spark were well fed and comfortable, because if it snowed any harder, he wouldn't be able to get out of the house.

Astrid was with him, arm linked with his; even though the stable was only about 100 feet from the house, a hundred feet was a rather perilous distance to walk while it was snowing so hard that one couldn't see.

And it didn't help that Hiccup's foot had pretty much frozen up.

"I need to make a snowshoe for this," Hiccup griped, adjusting the basket of fish on his back, "The one I made last winter didn't hold up very well."

"You can worry about that later. Right now, we just need to get inside. Ah!" Astrid cried out in surprise when she bumped against the door, and then there was a moment where he couldn't feel her arm anymore. She huffed loudly as she pried the doors open. The second that she'd worked her way inside -fighting the snow every step of the way- Astrid yanked Hiccup in after her and shut out the weather.

It was considerably warmer inside the stable.

"Let's just stay in here for awhile," he puffed, nose and cheeks red from the cold.

She nodded vigorously in agreement and reached forward to pluck a particularly large clod of ice off of his fur cloak.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "You're covered in it."

"I'll shake it off when I'm not freezing to death anymore."

Hiccup shrugged and put the basket down, and then pulled a face when he opened the lid and peered inside.

"Frozen. Of course."

Astrid found herself wandering over to the soft bed of hay where Toothless was resting, no doubt sluggish and languid from the cold. He raised his head as she approached, but made no movements otherwise.

She didn't dare sit down next to him; Spark was snoozing off in a darker, more secluded corner of the stable, but she was such a jealous thing that Astrid wouldn't have put it past the Nadder to wake out of a deep sleep just to make sure that the Night Fury wasn't getting more attention.

"Still having trouble with the fish?"

Hiccup mumbled discontentedly and dragged the basket over. "Yeah. Unless Toothless suddenly decides that he likes fish-cicles, we're gonna have to let it thaw," -he threw a look at the lazing dragon- "Who knows who long that'll take."

"Hmm," she murmured, and then reached for her shoulders and shrugged off her heavy fur-lined coat.

"Why are you taking that off? I don't know about you, but I'm starting to ice over," Hiccup groaned, flinching as she shook the coat and dislodged about a million little flecks of snow and water.

"Because, I was getting annoyed."

She turned slightly, and stretched out her arms a little...

Hiccup's mouth dropped open with a small 'pop', and he blurted, "You've gotten _bigger_!"

"Excuse me?" Astrid asked incredulously, whirling on him and giving him a fiery glare.

"I mean- you've just… _Astrid. _There's a little…" he trailed off, making a gesture with his hands to indicate roundness, "Bump."

"Don't make me hit you," she hissed, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Because I will."

"Sorry, sorry… I didn't mean it like _that… _oh _why _am I so bad at telling you what I mean? Really, though. It's um…" he was babbling in a very un-Viking like way, trying to get his thoughts into the right words. "I like it. I really do. You look so… _alive._"

"You make it sound like I was dead or something."

Hiccup groaned in frustration, raking his hands through his -partially damp- hair. "No, no, you looked _great _before, but now you look even _better. _Does that help?"

Astrid looked him over critically, before saying slowly, "You actually _like _this…" she touched her vaguely swollen stomach, turning to face him completely, "_This? _Are you _serious?_"

"Yeah," he replied earnestly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Why?" she pressed.

"Because… I sort of… like what's underneath it all, y'know? It's kind of cool to think that _our _baby is in there."

She only stared at him in something akin to skepticism, gave her coat one final shake, and shrugged it on. "It _is _pretty cool," she eventually sighed, "But if you say one more word about my size…"

Hiccup found himself smiling as she trailed off, her half-hearted threat only partly finished. There were innumerable thoughts that floated around in his head; things he wanted to say but didn't for fear of sounding ridiculous and mushy. And some of the things he wanted to say would probably get him beaten to a pulp.

**-O-**

A week later, it had become clear that winter had come early. It was still only mid___-_Gormánuður, but nature had decided that it was time for the coldest, deadliest time of the year to begin. **(20)**

Currently, the snow had ceased and the sun was shining- creating a blinding glare that was no fun to be out in. So, despite the beautiful, clear sky, most of the villagers were inside.

Astrid was with her mother.

She'd braved the snow and the light and the mind-numbing cold, because -silly as it might've seemed- she really felt homesick. Thus, she'd tromped through the snow after a hasty goodbye to her father-in-law, and hadn't even needed to knock before the inevitable squeal of delight came from her mother, who was already standing by the threshold.

"Do you just sit and wait for her to show up, mum, or is it instinctive?" came the drawling voice of Oddr.

"Oh hush. I've just missed her, that's all."

"That's because she's your favorite, of course," he teased -no malice intended, of course, but it still made Alhildr frown and sigh.

"Hmm. Or maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder," Astrid began, stepping into the warm house and trying to ignore the rumble of her stomach as she caught a whiff of fresh bread. "Who knows, Oddy, maybe if you finally get married and move out, mum'll like you more?"

Oddr smirked, but didn't say much after that, instead, he looked at the floorboards.

"That's likely to happen, Ast."

Astrid's jaw dropped in shock.

"Yes, well," Alhildr said quickly, "I was waiting to see you again before anybody told you the news, but… we might have a match for Oddr. She's the fish monger's daughter, about fourteen years old, I believe? Anyway, she's going to be coming into a rather unexpected inheritance, and her father figures she'll need someone to manage it."

"Wait, wait, back up. Fourteen?" Astrid asked, shock touching every word.

"That's not too young, dear, Oddr is only eighteen himself, and her birthday is in the spring. So she'll be fifteen by the time they marry."

"Oddr, what on earth do you think of this?" Astrid said, still terribly surprised. "And where's Grettir? Does he know any of this?" **(21)**

"Grettir's got a seriously bad cold, he's upstairs," Oddr explained, and then he went on, "And I'm not sure what I think of it." He had a very guarded look though, Astrid noticed, as if he wasn't telling her everything because of the presence of their mother.

"I can't believe you're getting married," she finally sighed, feeling unusually spent. The whole thing was quite surprising.

"Nobody can, dear. Your father was completely dazed after he worked out the arrangement," Alhildr chirped excitedly, and then gave a fond look at her youngest son.

"Speaking of which, where's dad?"

"At the forge," Oddr told her, a hint of his normal, cheeky self finally starting to return to his face, "Getting his axe handle fixed. He sat on it the other night."

"Odin, he did?" Astrid laughed, seeing the image quite vividly in her head.

"Yes, and he moaned and fussed about it all night. And I believe he wanted to say something to Hiccup, but I haven't the slightest clue _what,_" Alhildr sighed.

"I, personally, think he wanted to yell at him."

"For _what?_" Astrid squawked, at a loss. Why on earth would her father want to yell at her husband.

"I don't know. Dad's been in a foul mood lately, so your guess is as good as mine. Maybe he just wants to let off some steam."

"On _Hiccup?_ That's ridiculous."

"Maybe, but Beinir's been…" Alhildr trailed off, as though she thought the rest of her sentence was a bad idea. "I made bread. Would you like some?"

Astrid felt horribly confused. It seemed that nobody was telling the total truth, and it made her burn with curiosity.

She'd only been married for a few months, and it seemed that everything had changed.

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**18: Máledr - the meal fire.**

**19: Fimbulvetr is the immediate preclude to the events of Ragnarok (the apocalypse, basically). It's characterized by three harsh, uninterrupted winters in which brothers killed brothers.**

**20: Gormánuður was a month on the Viking calender. It spanned from about our October 21 to November 19.**

**21: I mixed up the oldest brother's name, but then I looked at all of my side notes and had a moment of "That was stupid." In case anyone was wondering, the brothers are Fundinn, Grettir, and Oddr, and their ages are in that order. Fundinn doesn't live with the rest of the family. More on him in the next chapter.  
**

**OH BOY. FAMILY DRAMA ENSUES. Let me know what you thought.  
**


	10. Older Brothers and Their Benefits

**Hey everyone! Phew… chapter ten. Only five more chapters to go after this. Wow.**

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed chapter nine: 4ever2010, Novanto, Ze Great Camicazi, givinglight, The Elven-Spear, Wisdombook34, X, BlueEyedBabyy, me, and Mooseluver… again, thanks! **

**Special thanks goes out to Foxy'sGirl, Romance and Musicals, LeDragonQuiMangeDuPoisson, A Lovely Treason, and my IRL buddies, DangItPopsicle and flaming-mercedes. You guys are so flipping cool.**

**So… on with the chapter.**

* * *

** Older Brothers and Their Benefits**

Astrid was spending every waking hour worrying about her family.

She fretted about Oddr and his very, _very _young bride-to-be, she worried about her mother, she worried about her father, and now she found herself extending her nerves to her oldest brother and his wife and child.

What was worse -and for this, Astrid felt annoyed with herself- her worrying had even extended to Hiccup.

Bless the boy, he felt it was his sacred duty as a male to fix her problems. What Astrid _really _wanted was for him to just listen _without _attempting to break everything down.

But alas.

She'd reached a certain point of pregnancy that was becoming uncomfortable, and that added to her worry. She was nearly five months in, and it _showed. _She couldn't walk through the village square without attracting at least a few stares.

It was in the village square, though, where she happened upon someone she'd been secretly dying to see: Ranka Hofferson, her sister in law.

Ranka was standing at the fish-monger's stall, haggling prices with an older, strangely wiry looking man. There was a girl standing near the man, nervously eyeing Ranka and then looking back to the man. It occurred to Astrid at that moment- the nervous looking girl was the fish-monger's daughter, and she was who'd be marrying Oddr.

The world felt impossibly small.

"Fine, you old coon! I can get fish just about anywhere, can't I?"

Astrid was unsure of how to approach her sister in law as she started stomping haughtily away from the fish-monger and his daughter.

"Ranka!" she called out bluntly.

The young woman stopped and looked around wildly, before fixing her eyes on Astrid.

"Astrid? Oh my… _woah. _Honey bee, you are _showing._"

"Thanks," Astrid said dryly -it seemed that Hiccup's sarcasm was rubbing off on her- "I um… wanted to ask you about some stuff…"

"Oh! Well, um, Fundinn's at the house, but I'd rather talk there than here," Ranka said contemplatively. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Well…" Astrid trailed, because she honestly felt a little dumb for saying it out loud, "Just… baby stuff."

"Ahh," Ranka replied, eyebrow raised. "I do know a thing or two about babies. Though I'm curious- why not just ask your mom?"

"Just… I don't think I could handle any more baby talk from her right now. I think she's almost more excited than _I _am about this whole thing."

Ranka let out a short burst of laughter, but looked slightly critical.

"How could she honestly be _more _excited? I mean, Fundinn's always told me that your mum had a soft spot for you-"

"That's a load of troll crap," Astrid interjected sharply.

"Well, whether it is or not, the point is… how could _anybody _be more excited than you? You're going to be a mother, 'Strid! That has to count for _something!"_

Astrid looked downwards, scuffing the snow covered ground with her boot. Was it odd that she felt a little less than enthusiastic about having a baby? Babies were sweet and cute, but they were _dangerous. _If something went wrong…

"Can this wait?" Astrid said lowly, surprised at the crack in her voice. Why did she feel terrified all of a sudden?

Amazingly, Ranka seemed to understand the strange tone of voice, and she nodded.

"Yep. It's not that long a walk back to the house anyway."

**-O-**

Astrid hadn't been inside her brother's new house in a long time.

The moment she stepped through the door, she was overcome by how… nice it felt. It was warm and inviting. There was a pleasant smell in the air and grubby charcoal marks on the wall -no doubt made by a pint size Viking toddler.

"Astrid!"

The voice belonged to Fundinn, and Astrid nearly fell backwards when she saw him standing near the staircase with a drowsy three year old in his arms.

"Fund? Woah," she said hazily as she looked him over and gesticulated to her chin, "What happened to your face?"

"Beard. I know, I know, it looks stupid," Fundinn grinned, hoisting his young, sleepy looking son higher up onto his hip. "Oh well. I just don't want my face freezing off this winter."

Ranka smiled sweetly at her husband and child, and then scooped the little boy into her grasp when Fundinn came over to the doorway.

"Hey Lyle," she whispered into the little boy's fine, white-blond hair. "Did you just finish your nap?"

"Uh-huh," he mumbled, his lower lip stuck out. "I not sleepy anymore."

"Merciful Odin," Astrid breathed. "He talks now? When did he start doing that?"

Fundinn beamed in reply, obviously proud. "He's been talking for a year now, but he didn't figure out sentences until about three months ago."

Astrid's mind was reeling, because she hadn't seen her nephew in so long. They'd all been at the wedding, of course, but Astrid had been so preoccupied that she hadn't thought to talk to her family much. She'd almost been avoiding them, because it would have been even more awkward to see them later at the consummation.

And besides all of that, it seemed that neither she nor Fundinn made conscious effort to visit with each other. That thought sent an odd pang to Astrid's heart.

"Hi Lyle," she said softly to the little boy, praying that he would remember her. "How are you doing?"

"I good today, Aunt As'rid," he said, wrapping his arms firmly around Ranka's neck before burying his face into his mother's shoulder.

Astrid's heart was sputtering a little, because this little boy was adorable. She never thought herself to be the type to coo and get all giddy over a little kid, but now it seemed inevitable. The urge to wrap her arms around her nephew and squeeze him breathless was overpowering.

Although it was probably a really, _really _bad idea, considering how he was clinging to his mother.

"He's grown up so much," Astrid breathed, folding her arms over her chest.

"I know," Ranka and Fundinn said simultaneously, before they looked at each other and laughed.

"I swear, he was just a baby a few days ago," Ranka said fondly, before Lyle's head popped up from her shoulder.

"I not a baby!" he cried indignantly, scowling impressively -for a three year old, anyway.

"Course you aren't," Fundinn told his son fondly, reaching out and poking a soft, fat cheek. Lyle's despondent little frown turned into a reluctant smile, and then a fully fledged grin as he stretched his arms out towards his father.

"Playing a nice game of 'pass the three year old', are we?" Ranka quipped. Lyle grinned from his spot in Fundinn's hip and nodded vigorously.

Astrid had to forcibly fight down an amused snort.

"So, you wanted to talk to me about something?" Ranka finally said, touching Astrid's arm and raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah. Um," she began, but Fundinn quickly interjected.

"Is this going to be girl stuff, or can I stay in the house?"

"It's going to be girl stuff," Astrid stated, rolling her eyes when Fundinn pretended to gag.

"In that case, I'm taking Lyle away from you crafty females, and we're going to have man to man bonding time."

"You mean man to _toddler _bonding time," Ranka smirked, "And bundle him up tight before you leave the house. It's cold out."

"Right then, dear."

They went on in this fashion for a while; Ranka giving Fundinn various instructions while Lyle squirmed on his father's hip and interjected randomly and nonsensically.

**-O-**

Once the men -though 'men' was a very general term- had gone out, Ranka sat Astrid down at the eating table and bombarded her with questions about her life: what it might be like to live with the chief and his son, was Hiccup a good husband, etc. It was a good five minutes before Astrid could get a word in edgewise; merciful Odin, Ranka could _talk. _

Finally she stopped, and Astrid began a question:

"What do you know about pregnancy?"

"That's a little vague, 'Strid. I know a considerable amount, sure, but what exactly do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just want to know… things. Stuff. Whatever stuff you can come up with," she explained.

"Once again, I'm baffled as to why you didn't just ask your mother," Ranka sighed, leaning her chin on one fist.

"I don't want to get doted on," Astrid told her bluntly. "I figure you'll be more likely to tell me what I actually want to know without getting sidetracked by something I used to do as a baby."

Ranka laughed, and then frowned.

"You know… Alhildr really does know a thing or two about child-rearing. More than I do, certainly. I've only got Lyle, and he's the only baby I've ever carried 'till birth. You really ought to consider _asking _your mum for advice instead of waiting for her to give it to you. She's surprisingly frank."

"I guess," Astrid conceded reluctantly. "But just… tell me stuff. Anything that I don't know already."

"I don't know what you don't know. I need some help here," Ranka said slowly, as though she was explaining to a very young child.

"Well… what should I be expecting? In the next few months? I've heard people talking about the last few months being unpleasant, but that's kind of vague."

"Ah," Ranka chirped, finally understanding. "For one thing, you can expect that baby of yours to start moving sometime soon. How far along are you, anyway?"

"About five months."

"In which case, you can expect the baby to start moving soon," Ranka said knowingly.

Astrid's nose crinkled. "How much, do you think?"

"Lyle was a kicker, from what I remember. He kicked and kicked and kept me awake at all hours of the night. That's the funny thing; once you're pregnant for the first time, you never get a proper night's sleep ever again." Ranka laughed at her last statement, apparently very amused by lack of sleep.

Astrid, on the other hand, was not so amused.

"Wait, you mean _never _again? Are you serious?"

"Well… yeah. The last few months are crowded and uncomfortable, and newborns wake up every two hours, basically. It's fairly exhausting. And once they're toddlers, they wear you out with sheer energy. I'm just waiting until Lyle figures out the whole 'coming into your room because of a nightmare' strategy."

"What have I gotten myself _into_?" Astrid cried, aghast. "I didn't even _realize _that kids could be so difficult!"

Ranka frowned, sitting up straighter. "It's all normal, but it is wearisome at times."

"I don't think I can do this," Astrid breathed suddenly.

"Why on Midgard not?" **(22)**

"What if I can't keep up with everything? What if I fail miserably? What if…" Astrid cut off, because the biggest fear that she'd had thus far had nearly slipped out. "Did you ever wonder if you weren't going to… _love _your own kid?"

"Woah, woah, hold up. Is that what you're really worried about?" Ranka asked, incredulous.

"It might be," Astrid responded weakly, head down.

"It's nearly _impossible _not to love something that you've carried inside your own body for nine months, in case you were wondering. And yes, sometimes I was a little nervous that I wasn't going to be a terrific mother, but I never worried about not loving Lyle. Why?"

"I just… I'm not even sure what to think about this whole thing. It doesn't feel like a baby yet. It doesn't feel like a person. It's just a bump," Astrid admitted.

"It _will _feel like a baby, though. Trust me, that first kick'll nearly knock your socks off."

"Really?"

"Really. And even though it's going to be uncomfortable, and painful, and irritating, the whole nine months will be worth it when you see it for the first time."

Even though Ranka was smiling reassuringly, Astrid's stomach was in knots. She was so _terrified _that she would be a horrible mother that she couldn't imagine it coming naturally.

"You're probably worried about nothing. This stuff is instinctual, you know? Besides, I have a hard time imagining you being _bad _at something," Ranka quipped, tapping her fingers on the wooden table.

But that's what had Astrid worried: if there was _one thing _she was bad at, it was love. Sure, she loved people, she was just bad at expressing it, and even _she _knew that.

Astrid huffed out a sigh. "I don't know. Maybe I'll surprise myself."

**-O-**

By the time that Astrid had left her brother's house, she was in a far better mood.

And then she remembered something else she'd been meaning to ask around about, and her good mood vanished again.

She had the intention of hunting down Oddr, to ask him what was going on with his soon to be bride, but that became unnecessary; he was on the docks, near where Fundinn's house was.

Next to him was the girl that Astrid had seen earlier that day at the fish monger's stall. They were talking fervently, lowly, and it looked as though they were trading secrets. For a brief moment, Astrid wondered if it was such a good idea to be there.

"Oddr," she said, louder than she'd meant too.

The girl's eyes snapped up to Astrid, wide and frightened, and she looked as though she was going to dart away at any second. Oddr put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her soothingly, murmuring something to her. She calmed considerably.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice tinged with unusual worry.

"I wanted to ask you something. What's all this, anyway?" Astrid gestured to the girl, raising an eyebrow at the two. "Sneaking around the docks, Oddy, that doesn't look right."

"Don't worry, don't worry, nothing shady was going on," Oddr laughed dryly. The girl next to him cringed and glanced up at him.

"I'll see you later," she whispered, ducking her head and nearly _fleeing. _

"What in the name of Thor is going on?" Astrid hissed the second the girl was out of earshot.

"It's complicated," Oddr replied, looking far less calm than he had just a few minutes prior. "I'm not even sure if I should tell you."

"Like _Hel _you're going to tell me, and you're going to tell me _right now._ What's going on?"

"Look, I don't want you telling anyone this, because it could get out of control very quickly," Oddr sighed.

"You're not doing anything _wrong, _are you?" Astrid queried critically.

"Not me, no. And neither is Una. We're just caught in a sticky situation," Oddr said quietly, and then made a motion for Astrid to come closer. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening in before he continued.

"Here's the deal: Una's father, Greygill Heddinson -the fish monger- is not a good man. Remember how mom was going on and on about how she was coming into an inheritance? Una found out how he got that 'inheritance', and it's not pretty. She told me because -unlike her dad- she's honest, and she doesn't want me marrying her if it means that my reputation -and the whole family's, actually- could be ruined."

"What did he do that's so awful, exactly?"

"He…" -Oddr looked like he was having trouble getting the words out- "He used to live in the village of Blizzard, which is just a little south of Berk. Anyway, his younger brother was a lot better off than he was, with a lot of money and a gorgeous wife and a son and all that. After a while…" -Oddr choked on his words yet again- "Greygill got jealous and… I guess he killed his brother, raped the wife, and sold the son into slavery. Una is the daughter of the wife, by the way. After Una was born he… sold the wife, too. And then he took his brother's funds and the money he'd made off of the wife and son and left Blizzard."

Astrid's mind was reeling, and she stepped back for a second.

"Why… why would he keep Una? And not sell her, too?"

"I guess he'd seem more like an honest fish-monger if he had a daughter with him. So far, it's worked. No one has figured him out yet," Oddr growled, surprisingly fierce.

"And how did Una find any of this stuff out?"

"I guess an old relative from Blizzard sent a letter to Una, and she read it and tore it up before Greygill could read it."

"And more importantly than any of that, _why haven't you told anyone?_" Astrid cried, a little shrilly.

"Hush, calm down. I can't tell anyone, her reputation would be ruined," Oddr explained. "Look, I know that we're Vikings, and raping and pillaging is kind of our thing, but Greygill killed _his own brother. _And then made off with his own illegitimate daughter. If _anybody _finds out about this, we could be ruined, and even if I didn't marry her, she'd never survive on her own. Look, the best we can do for now is keep it quiet."

"Oddr," Astrid breathed, feeling lightheaded, "You can't marry her now! I mean… I mean… you barely know her! You're going to risk _everything _just on the off chance that _maybe _nobody will find out about this?"

"Look, Astrid, she's a sweet girl. She didn't do anything wrong," he whispered, his eyes desperate, "I'm not going to condemn her to a life of scorn because her father is lowlife scum. I know I'm not known for my conscience, but I can't do that to her."

Astrid was totally floored and completely confused at the same time.

"What are you going to do? Just… marry her and hope nobody ever finds out?"

"That's the plan," Oddr laughed humorlessly. "Just… promise that you won't tell anybody."

"I live with the chief, you know. And I'm _married _to his son… can't they do anything?" Astrid wondered aloud.

"NO! N.O. You can't tell _anyone, _because even if they could get Greygill banished, that wouldn't help Una much. It would just be something else she'd have to deal with."

"Oddr…"

"I know. I told you: it's _complicated. _We just have to roll with it, for now. I'm sorry I even got you involved, lil sis."

Astrid smiled weakly, because it seemed that Oddr had done a lot of growing up in the five months that she'd been married. It was good to hear him say something that sounded brotherly, like 'lil sis'.

"It's alright, I asked for it," she sighed. "Maybe it'll all be okay."

"Gods, I hope. I really hope."

**-O-**

Later, near sunset, she sat on a bench in the front room of the Haddock house and fretted. She'd hoped to stop fretting, but now it was even worse than ever before.

"Hey, Astrid. Busy day?"

It was Hiccup asking her, as was customary after he came home from the forge. He always asked her if the day was busy; it was like clockwork.

Today, she resented his cheerful smile and bouncy step -or limp, rather.

"You have no idea."

* * *

**(22) Midgard: one of the Nine Worlds of Norse mythology, and is the term for the home of the humans.**

**OH SHI-**

**ODDR IS IN TROUBLE NOW.**

**So. Not much else to be said.. let me know what y'all think!  
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	11. Unexpected

**Oh my God, it's been a month since I've updated last. Sorry guys, but I had a lot going on IRL, and I just didn't have time to update.**

**Thanks to my reviewers: Novanto, Romance and Musicals, gundam, givinglight, Ze Great Camicazi, Natylovesjb, Polygrammar, Srphiaeahn.**

**Special thanks to: Foxy'sGirl, 4ever2010, A Lovely Treason, Aj the Psychic, and my IRL peeps, celestial1, flaming-mercedes, and DangItPopsicle.**

**For those of you still reading, thanks for sticking around, and enjoy this next chapter!**

* * *

**Unexpected**

Astrid felt wretched.

Keeping secrets, as it turned out, was not so easy when it was something important. She could keep her mouth shut when somebody told her a bit of unwarranted gossip, but in a case like this… it felt like a matter of time before she told somebody.

And now she was sick with worry; it built hotly in her stomach and her brain and made her feel short tempered.

Between the worry and the hormones, it was getting to be too much.

She was by herself at the moment, trying her hardest to make use of the rare sunshine that was streaming through the small window in the upstairs loft room. It wasn't easy; it was late afternoon and the day had stretched on for far too long, despite the fact that it was early winter.

In an attempt to ward off boredom, she'd tried her hand at patching up a pair of Hiccup's -discouragingly- threadbare leggings, but she was finding that she didn't have enough patience even for the smallest amount of sewing. Then she'd -sort of- tidied up the loft, but that had grown tiring after awhile; the extra weight that Astrid was carrying had begun to take effect, and it made her feet hurt more than usual to be standing for too long.

She wondered what would happen once she was in the last month of pregnancy, if it hurt so much _now. _

Tired, bored, worried, and generally cranky, she opted for a nap. Which worked at first, but she grew uncomfortable and achy for no good reason.

"This _stinks,_" she told the ceiling.

And then something very odd happened: she felt something stir inside of her.

Astrid sat bolt upright, eyes flown open in shock, and the weird stirring just _kept going. _It didn't feel like sickness, it didn't feel like the fluttering of nerves…

It was her baby.

Moving.

Her baby was _moving._

She gasped and pressed a hand to her stomach, feeling around for the tiny flickers of a little person. Her palm pressed flat against the underside of her belly, and then she felt a small tap. Just a quick one, but a tap nonetheless.

Ranka had been right: the first kick _did _just about knock her socks off.

In a weird haze, Astrid flung off the blankets and scurried to find her boots and fur coat. _This_ was simply too big of a deal to keep to herself.

**-O-**

After trudging her way through the snow -which was mixing with the sunlight and producing an awful glare- Astrid finally puffed into the forge, nearly bursting with the news.

A wave of heat hit her as soon as she crossed the threshold, and she had to shed her coat almost immediately.

"Astrid? Hey," she heard a muffled voice say from the back room, "That is Astrid, right?"

Gobber, who'd been working on a lance head, bellowed back at the voice. "Yeh, it's Astrid. Get on out here."

Hiccup emerged from the back room, looking thoroughly disheveled and smeared with charcoal. He wiped his hands down the front of his apron and smiled toothily.

"So. What's up?"

Suddenly, Astrid wasn't sure how to tell him what she'd felt just a few moments earlier. It seemed a little odd to rush into the forge and just blurt out that she'd felt the baby kicking.

"Nothing," she said quickly -mentally smacking her forehead as she did- "I was just really bored. Not much to do back at the house."

"No, I guess not. Dad's been at the Mead Hall a lot lately, so it's pretty much just you, huh?"

"Yep. And anyway, what's that all about? It's not like there's all that much to do at the Mead Hall either," Astrid wondered aloud.

Hiccup shrugged his shoulders, unsure, but Gobber lit up with an answer.

"Aye, that. He's preparing a raid on Blizzard," he explained, "There hasn' been enough food to go around lately, and it's getting deeper into winter. The sooner it can be done, tha' better."

"He didn't tell _me _that. What a shock," Hiccup muttered, rolling his eyes. Astrid snorted.

"It _was _a pretty weak growing season, from what I've heard. _Wait,_" she said abruptly, "Did you say _Blizzard?_"

Gobber nodded. "Blizzard had a much better crop than Berk this year. I figure tha's a good enough excuse to _compensate, _if yeh catch my meaning!" He chuckled heartily and turned back to his lance.

"What's wrong with Blizzard?" Hiccup asked, one eyebrow raised suspiciously.

"Nothing," Astrid said a little too hastily, and _both_ of Hiccup's eyebrows shot up. "Uh, do you know when the raid is supposed to start?"

"In a week or so, I'm fairly sure," Gobber told her, while Hiccup grumbled.

"I just love how _you _know all this stuff _long _before _I _do."

Gobber grinned and gave an affectionate whack to the back of the boy's head.

"So… the house is going to be even emptier than it already is," Astrid clarified, "Lovely."

"I don't know… it'll just be you and me," Hiccup said, wiggling his eyebrows and wearing a ridiculous leer.

She swiftly punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow! Violence isn't the answer, Astrid!"

"It seems to be the only way to get you to shut up," she pointed out coolly.

"You have better ways," he mumbled, and then flushed when she looked him over and cocked her head. "That's not what I meant, disregard that thought!"

Gobber rolled his eyes at the two teens, and shook his head. "You have a way with the ladies, don' yeh, Hiccup?"

"Obviously," Hiccup replied, "I'm married, aren't I? And…"-he gestured vaguely at Astrid's state of pregnancy- "That."

"Yes, yes, we've all noticed _this,_" Astrid snarked, folding her arms over her chest. Hiccup, on the other hand, just sort of beamed at her, looking hazy and vaguely proud.

Something twisted inside of her chest and tightened there as his grin continued to brighten.

"Well," Gobber coughed, breaking the two out of their trance. "If you've got nothin' better ta do, get back to work."

"Got it," Hiccup said quickly, grabbing Astrid's hand and taking her along as he ducked into the back room.

"And I don' want the two of yeh fooling around back there!"

"We won't, I promise," Hiccup shouted back at Gobber. It was almost amusing how his voice cracked and his face turned very, _very _pink; Astrid smirked unabashedly.

"So," she said slowly, twisting around and looking at the charcoal drawings spread across the table, "What'cha working on?"

"Just some new weaponry. Blizzard is all hills and forests, and in the middle of winter, it's pretty much just snow. So I'm, uh…" he trailed off as she picked up one of his little sketchbooks and started flipping through the pages.

She'd been expecting more plans for new weapons, but what she saw was actually surprisingly… personal.

Each page was filled with a wealth of doodles and sketches: of Toothless, of random villagers, of every type of dragon that had ever been seen on Berk…

"Um… those kind of… aren't finished," he stuttered.

"They look pretty amazing to me," she told him honestly. "I didn't even know that you could draw like this."

"Yeah, well, it's all just sort of study type stuff… y'know, figuring out how living things work and move and-"

"Uh huh," Astrid interjected dumbly as she flipped through the pages. It was completely engrossing.

And then she came across one picture that stood out from the rest. It was her, stretching out across the page with a playful smirk and a hand raking her bangs back. Every tiny detail was accounted for, from the shape of her hands to the texture of her shirt, and it was a little mind blowing.

She gaped at the picture and then looked up at Hiccup.

"You weren't supposed to see that…" he muttered, crimson faced and fiddling with his thumbs.

Astrid was stuck between embarrassed, irate, and awestruck, because he'd obviously put a lot of thought into each and every aspect of the drawing.

He must have thought about the way she was shaped, the way she moved… everything. It was a strange thought in her mind that he might actually spend time thinking of _her, _and of the things she did.

It made her heart flutter in its strange, unpredictable way.

"This is great," she said hoarsely, "I mean _really_ amazing."

Hiccup smiled, obviously liking the praise. Astrid set the sketchbook back down onto the table, taking one last look at the picture of herself before shutting it.

And then the entire reason that she'd come to the forge in the first place started kicking again.

"Oh!"

"What? Hey-" he was cut off as she grabbed his hand and pressed it to where the tapping was the strongest. "Is that…?"

"Yeah," she said quickly, trying to ignore the goofy look on his face. "It just started today."

"Woah," he breathed, and then sucked in a sharp breath as the tapping grew stronger and harder. The tiny little person was rather vivacious.

They stood together in the hazy mid-afternoon lighting of the back room; he was astonished and she was smiling at his wonder. The heart-flutter that she'd grown accustomed to -and was beginning to associate with Hiccup- picked up and went wild inside her chest.

"I can't believe it," Hiccup declared, pulling his hand away. "That's… a baby in there."

Astrid snorted. "What did you think it was? A fish?"

"That's not what I meant," he huffed, folding his arms over his chest. "It's just weird to think that we'll be able to meet the little guy in a couple of months."

She raised a brow. "'Little guy'?"

"Or whatever you wanna call it. I'm not picky when it comes to names. But if it's a boy, we are _not _naming it after me, because I'm not so cruel as to inflict my name upon another living creature," Hiccup babbled in response.

"There are worse names."

"Let's not do any of those either."

Astrid sighed, leaning against the wooden edge of the table. "I guess we have some more time before we really have to come up with a name."

"How much time, exactly?"

"At this point, about three months," she told him, "Which is actually less time than I thought. Huh."

"It's pretty weird how fast our lives have been going lately, right? It's like… this time last year, we weren't even thinking about getting married. And here we are _now,_" Hiccup mused, "And there's a baby on the way."

"Pretty crazy."

"Yep."

There was an awkward pause, in which neither teen really knew how to kick start the conversation back up. Hiccup scuffed at the ground with his metal foot, hands on his hips. Astrid let out a noisy burst of air.

"I wonder…" Hiccup said eventually, finally breaking the silence, "Where we'll be in another year?"

Astrid's lips quirked at the corners. "At the rate we're going, it's pretty much impossible to say. Odin only knows."

**-O-**

As the raid on Blizzard drew nearer, Astrid grew increasingly nervous about it. While it probably wouldn't be affecting her much -save for the food and goods that would be pillaged- she knew someone it _would _be affecting: Una.

Her father had offered to join the raid, last Astrid had heard, and it was anyone's guess as to why. It didn't make sense that Greygill would want to return to a place where he was a notorious murderer.

She'd made up her mind to ask Oddr if he knew anything about it.

**-O-**

"I don't know, 'Strid. The man doesn't seem to be completely right in the head anyway, so who knows. Maybe he left something in Blizzard and he wants it back?"

It turned out that Oddr was just as dumbfounded as Astrid was, and so he was offering completely random and nonsensical reasons for Greygill's sudden desire to raid Blizzard.

"That's silly. Why would he wait fifteen years to get something back?"

"I don't know, I don't know. Maybe he just has a death wish," Oddr huffed, giving up on any ideas he might have had forming. "Una is beside herself," he said suddenly.

"Oh?"

"She's terrified that someone will recognize her dad while he's in Blizzard, and then… well, you know. She'll be all on her own. Gah! If only we were getting married sooner!"

Astrid's eyes flew wide open. "What if… what if you requested to speed up the wedding a little?"

"What? Are you nuts? It's the middle of winter! The Gothi would never have us married in the middle of winter!" Oddr exclaimed, "And that might actually ruin our reputations further."

"Just an idea," she said defensively, "But honestly, your chances would be far better if you could speed it up. People might allow you two to get married if they thought there was an illegitimate kid involved, but if they knew about Greygill… you can kiss that contract goodbye."

"Oh, and you're the expert," Oddr griped.

"I'm the married one, remember? Anyway, it's just a thought."

"'Unexpected inheritance', that's what mum said about Una after the contract was set. Ha. She has no idea," Oddr chuckled humorlessly.

"All the same. Is she worth all the trouble?"

"Una? Yeah," he said, smiling wryly, "I honestly think she's too good for me. Too young, for sure, but _way _too good. And I'd be a dirty rotten liar if I told you that she isn't pretty."

"So you like her," Astrid affirmed, joining in on her brother's sly half-smile. "That's good."

"You'd think, but all it's gotten me so far is trouble. Honestly, 'Strid, I don't know why the gods thought it would be such a great idea to match me up with such a difficult girl."

"It's probably payback for all of those years you spent as Berk's most notorious prankster," Astrid pointed out, sneering slightly.

Oddr stuck out his tongue, and promptly changed the subject.

"I'm sick of talking about my drama. So. How's life been for you lately?"

"Uncomfortable," Astrid griped, arching her back and wincing when it made a loud '_pop_'.

"Oh?"

"And crowded," she added when she felt a sharp kick to her ribs. "I'm looking forward to the day when I can have some room to myself again."

"Huh. I'd say 'I'm sorry', but I really can't sympathize," Oddr tossed in a snort at the end, "And it would be really, _really _weird if I could."

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in," she huffed at him, folding her arms and glaring.

"How's the husband? Still skinny and awkward, I presume?"

"Eh, he's… Hiccup. Doing all of the Hiccup-y things he usually does."

"I don't exactly know what that's supposed to mean, seeing as I don't live with him or anything like that. What _does_ he usually do?"

Astrid shrugged noncommittally. "He's usually at the forge, working metal and giving me way too much time to myself."

"I thought that women _liked _being by themselves," Oddr mused aloud, tilting his head to one side. "Or at least, I thought _you _liked it."

"I used to, back when it was still warm enough to go flying with Spark. And when I wasn't so pregnant and could practice with my axe without it killing my back."

"You used to be so tough. You were always like 'Rawr, I'm a Viking warrior and nothing can stop me', and now you're all whiny because your back hurts," Oddr teased, grinning and waiting for Astrid's inevitable outburst.

Which never actually came.

"You're right, I've become such a wimp," she muttered, suddenly looking at the ground.

"Woah! Hey," Oddr said quickly when he noticed her downcast expression. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings… at least, I didn't think I _would… _aw, 'Strid. You crazy mood-swingy pregnant lady, you. I'm sorry."

"Eh, whatever. This stupid baby thing has me acting really weird," -she cracked a little smile.

"You were already kind of weird, 'Strid," Oddr said, almost comfortingly.

"Thanks. That means so much to me."

**-O-**

The day of departure for Blizzard arrived, as was inevitable. Fate was taking its course; Greygill went along with the raid party, and nobody suspected a single thing.

That was when Astrid decided that she couldn't keep secrets any longer. She'd meant to, of course, but as Hiccup was snuggling under the covers of their bed, shutting his eyes and looking ready to fall asleep, she blurted:

"I need to tell you something."

He cracked an eye.

"Do you know who Greygill Heddinson is?"

"Vaguely," he yawned, wiggling around and making room for Astrid as she slipped in next to him.

"His daughter is marrying my brother."

"That's nice," Hiccup responded, oblivious to the reason that she'd brought it up.

"No, it isn't."

Both of Hiccup's eyes opened and he looked critically at her, confused. "Why?"

Astrid huffed out a sigh, and explained everything she knew. She told him about the brother, the wife, the son, she told him how Una was a product of dishonesty and betrayal.

"I don't know what to do," she finally admitted. "I've gone over everything in my head and I'm _still _not sure what to do."

"There has to be something," he said, taking on a thoughtful sort of expression. "How long do you think we have to figure this out?"

"I don't know that either," she sighed, before looking horrified. "Oh gods, what if Greygill finds out that Oddr knows something? While they're on the raid?"

"I doubt he'd do anything. It would be really stupid of him to do anything to your brother while they're in Blizzard… for a lot of reasons. So he's probably safe, at least for now."

"So we pretty much have until everybody gets home to sort this out?" she asked, her voice shrill.

"It looks that way, yeah."

And in a mix of stress, hormones, and frustration, Astrid let out a choked wail and buried her head in her hands.

"I don't get it," she whimpered, trying to reign in her emotions. "How could one horrible person ruin so much? Arg," she sniffled hugely and hastily wiped away the wetness from her eyes. "This is stupid."

"No," Hiccup said softly, a little surprised by her breakdown. "No, it's not."

He put one hand on her back, gently -as though afraid to touch her. She instantly leaned against him, relaxed and more composed.

"We'll figure this out," he told her reassuringly, and she nodded in return.

"All this goofy emotional stuff is making me tired," Astrid laughed, blinking heavily.

"Then sleep. I'm not stopping you."

She laid down, looking up at the ceiling, biting her lip. "Hey, Hiccup?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Hiccup turned over and faced her; her eyes were already shut. He smiled at her, even though she couldn't see it. And then, so softly that it could barely be heard by human ears, he whispered:

"I love you."

* * *

**HE SAID IT. YOU ALL KNEW HE WAS GOING TO.**

**I apologize for the lack of footnotes, but I intend to do more editing to this chapter very soon. Tell me what you think!**


	12. Note

Well guys, I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this but alas: I officially have to call this a dead fic.

As some of you know, I had been writing chapter 12 and I was nearly finished with it, but two weeks ago, my home was broken into and my laptop got stolen. Poopy. I don't want to bore y'all, but I've been dealing with a lot in the past few years and it's just really sucked the life out of me. To put it shortly, CCiM has just been sitting around and waiting for me to finish, but I find I just don't have the energy or spirit for pretty much anything anymore.

I really, really have appreciated everyone's thoughtfulness and kind words. I can't believe that I still get people asking me to finish this story; it always makes my day. You guys are awesome and I'm really touched by everyone who's taken the time to tell me how much they like my amateur writing.

I'd like to get into writing fanfiction again, but for now, I have to call it quits.

Thanks,

Funk-tastic


End file.
